Pregnant? No no no, that had to be wrong. Yes she had agreed to have bear’s cubs but they’d only done the thing once, surely she wasn’t pregnant already. But it was the only thing that could explain how she was suddenly feeling a bit ill, and her stomach had gotten slightly bigger. She’d just assumed she was putting a bit of weight onto her slim figure because she was able to actually eat often now. But pregnant? The thought made her sick, physically, her stomach felt like it was turning itself inside out.

“I can’t be pregnant.” she said out loud, alone in her den as she often seemed to be. “I can’t mother cubs! I’d be terrible! Oh! What to do, what to do?” She said hurriedly to herself, adrenaline rushing through her head. She paced up and down the den.

“they’ll only hate me!” She said in her blind panic.

OOC: For @Úlla , and set after her thread with Ira

Never give up

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

code by corvus

the hollows is always a quiet place, but its tunnels carry whatever noise that may surface quickly through its paths. sometimes, the noises reach ulla, but often she knows not to worry and so she doesn't seek out the source. this time, however, is different. she knows the source is caused by a frightened lioness, one whom she knows enough to garner her curiosity and some concern. @Alva has been a pivotal part of the hollows since her introduction. and ulla's aware of her son's affection for both her and the first woman he brought home with him. as she approaches, ulla hears the last bits of alva's frantic, worried voice. they'll only hate me! a brow quirks up, but for a moment, ulla doesn't speak. her eyes travel the lion's body, noticing a slight protrusion in both her belly as she paces about. what's wrong, alva? ulla inquires, making sure to keep her voice low.

table by ferus

Alva had been so caught up with her rapid pacing that she hadn’t heard @Úlla approach, and upon hearing her her body froze up- tensing. Her ears flattened back and her eyes bulged opened. Of all the people! “Ú-lla” She said softly, her voice wavering.

She turned, facing her future mother in law, her ocean eyes not quite meeting hers. “nothing is wrong I don’t know why you would even suggest it-“ it was the other lionesses face and the fact that she seem to truly be worried that caused Alva to faulted, her lie trailing off. That wasn’t going to works.

“I’m pregnant.” She blurted out in her soft, worried voice.

Never give up

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

code by corvus

at first, ulla wonders if someone or something hurt alva. or even her son. thus causing the young woman to be so fretful. but then comes the answer, a thing that ulla doesn't immediately react to because she's half-confused at alva's admission. but then everything connects and ulla's eyes shine with rare happiness. she slips towards alva, a pleasing purr rumbling from her chest. this is good news she says, though it's only something that she is aware of. maybe alva doesn't see it as good, for at first, she did try to wave ulla away from the subject. knowing what she looks like, ulla believes alva may think she will fault the woman for being pregnant. which is now what the northern queen wants. they're my son's, aren't they? ulla inquires as she traces her gaze around alva's stomach.

code by corvus | image by rabbit

They are my son’s, aren’t they? The question echoes through Alva’s ears, and all of a sudden she feels miles away- back home. Back where one wrong move, and you’d never been seen again. You rarely saw cubs there- and none of them had mother’s. The cubs would either be killed or barely survive. Mothers left them- did they even care. Alva’s mother hadn’t. She’d been alone. Her father would dote into her- but that was only because it gained him something. She didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to think about the pregnant lionesses her father would kill, just because their words had displeased him. Those had been his cubs and sometimes grand cubs. He didn’t care, he was angered, what if Úlla got like that as well? She doubted it, but fear overtook her.

“If I tell you they are you won’t kill me.” Alva said, taking a defensive position. “You won’t kill me because they are his. I don’t die because I’m pregnant, I didn’t mean harm.” She blinded by fear- and in way greif. All Alva had ever known is that pregnant was very often bad. If it was back home then perhaps it was here. Part of her told her it wasn’t- but the trauma in her disagreed- it was yelling and wailing- run. Run! But Alva didn’t feel like she could move. “They are bear’s children- I don’t want to die... I don’t want my children to die. I don’t want them to hate me..” Her voice trailed and she just stared at Úlla, afraid in away.

@Úlla

Never give up

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

code by corvus

this content might touch on topics that are sensitive or triggering for some readers. trigger warning for mentions of abortion

suddenly the air shifts, tension brews into a wave of anxiety emitting from @Alva's pacing body. úlla can see it too from the way she holds herself, from her voice and her flitting looks. amusement no longer fills úlla's mind, but of concern for her (soon-to-be) daughter-in-law. but the sigrun doesn't know how to sooth aches of the mind and soul quite yet, despite her age and experience. she can only stand there and wait patiently for alva to finish talking. no is her response, but it's not unkind. you will not be killed, you will not be thrown out. she doesn't know alva's history, but her thinking means she had some kind of similar experience. whether or not it was directly her own or from someone close to her is unknown and úlla dares not to ask. by now, she wonders if her son knows. something tells her she's the first lioness to be told of alva's pregnancy. alva, look at me úlla presses forward until her bulkier body stops just in front of the lioness. you are not at fault for being pregnant. if you don't want this litter, i can ask a medic to help you abort them. but if you want to keep them, then know the sigrun will protect them and yourself. she cannot imagine alva's choice. and yet, it feels kinder for both the woman and her unborn right now to be given one, no questions asked.

table by ferus

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!
Mentions of rape, forced labour, cub slaughter and general mental anguish and buried memories.

@Úlla
———————

Alva looked at the lioness, he heart pounding. Listening intently at her every word, her every move being watch. “I won’t kill them- he’d kill them. He’d kill them if he was unhappy. He would have- he would have... he killed them before...he’d do it again..” Alva’s eyes were wide and in a way, she was no longer there. Not properly. See Alva had a secret that not even her sister knew off, she’d been pregnant once before. After being forced onto some noble lion back at dark stone. Her father had quickly discovered this, and hadn’t been happy. He gave her some weird plant that forced her into early labour and took her cubs away- they were slaughtered. She had heard their cries of pain. Father said it had to be done, that his prized daughter couldn’t be knocked up by some rando noble lion, who she couldn’t even name.

She’d never spoken of her children- they were a well kept secret. Two unnamed and genderless children. She’d seen them for mere seconds before they faced death. Alva knew in her heart that her father had done something wrong- but a part of her carried on believing for far too long that he’d meant well. That he’d killed them, like he killed other cubs. So they remained, forgotten memories hidden away in her mind. She tried to never think of them, but the fear in her heart caused their tiny forms to float around her brain. For what’s kept in the dark will always return to the light, no matter what the cost may be. Pregnant had been bad, it had been bad for the lionesses of dark stone like it had been to her. But here Úlla was, saying it wasn’t bad. Couldn’t she see what Alva saw? Didn’t she understand? Was there really someone who had a reality where the thought of bearing cubs wasn’t a nightmare of wondering how long until they are life less heaps on the ground? Dead without a second care? Yet someone had cared. Alva had. For all she’d never spoken of them.

Abortion.

It rang through her ears like the wails of a screeching beast. Echoing and echoing, never giving in. It didn’t stop. It wouldn’t, not until she spoke. She had to speak. “I don’t want them dead. They’re mine. I should be happy, why can’t I feel happy without the fear.” She begged the other lioness, staring at her eyes. “Why can’t it all just go away. I don’t want it anymore. I want my children, I want to be happy.” her own stare was distant, her figure still ready to fight if she had too. She should have fought the first time. She should have. She should have fought him and stopped him. She couldn’t even remember if she had yet turned two, when it happened. Greif and terror overwhelmed her.

Never give up

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

code by corvus

the notion of her son murdering his own children is something completely out of the ordinary. no matter how ruthless a sigrun is, they will never murder their kin by their own will. it's only through vellen that a child may not survive their first drowning, and it is by his will that a child will not survive even before, during the time they pass through their mother's body. no, @Alva isn't talking about bear, but someone else. a man who gave her the notion that her pregnancy will cause her litter to be killed without mercy. ulla's half-stunned to see the woman so pained and desperate, and she knows she cannot stand here and do nothing. he will not touch you ulla says. whoever he is, or whatever he may be, we will rip his throat out first before he even catches a glimpse of you and your unborn. her words are soft, but with the usual sigrun fury that eclipses each syllable. ulla's eyes are steeled, tongue pushing against her fangs as she assesses alva's emotions. she's not good at this, however, when it comes to comfort. but she can promise, for it's what the sigrun does. promise and make sure that promise sticks. stay here with us, alva. ulla already mentioned to the woman her promise for the safety of alva's children and alva herself. now, it's only a matter of keeping her here, ensuring that her protection can reach the woman and her grandchildren should something happen.

table by ferus

“You don’t understand, you have never met my father high sovereign. He’s killed others. Even those as you, they face death beneath his claws. Death and no mercy. Mercy is for the weak. It’s for those who are too weak to be given a painless death.” Alva said, her ocean eyes just meeting @Úlla ‘s. “I can’t make you promise that. It could cost you your life- or bear’s. You don’t understand.” She took in a sharp breath. “So let me try to make you...” Her voice wavered, her mind slowing down the flood of fear and emotion, cautious about what she tells Úlla. It could cost her her cubs after all. Even if the high sovereign promises them no harm- what if?

Úlla wouldn’t hurt them. She wouldn’t hurt her.

“Imagine you have two daughters from the same litter. And more children. But for some reason in a lapse of judgment you chose them to be raised directly under your watchful eye. Their mother tried to kill them, she didn’t love these daughters. But you didn’t either. They were useful as long as they could be used. One child, the more average looking of the two, she’s beaten and attacked. By her own father. I won’t tell you how or the story behind the scars. That’s not my story. It’s his other daughter. She was pretty. This man, you now imagine of, knew that. A child that could have been his heir, his prized child. So he raised her differently. She was still forced to fight other cubs for his entertainment. He was still secretly just as cruel. He just hid behind a mask of love, a fake place of caring. He made her do things with others that she hated. When she got pregnant he killed her children.” She snarled softly. “Because it was perfectly fine to him for her to be his killer whore, as long as she wasn’t carrying a random lions bastards.” Her tounge was cold.

“Then he was going to kill her sister, probably her as well. I’m not stupid. Daddy dearest would have given her a second chance. But not forever.” She paused. “That is the hell I grew up in. That is the same man who is my father but would kill my cubs... I don’t you to end up hurt because if it if he ever find out where I am.”

“but I’ll stay. I’ll always stay until it’s clear I have to go. Plus. I like it here.”

Never give up

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

code by corvus