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o forget theories of sorrow / & hellfire & brimstone at the final circle of the earth: / if I must believe in anything, I choose this
She doesn't know when it begins to feel this way. This eager recollection to the last time they were like this, on the hillside, when Cassius had nearly given her everything before wrenching her heart clean out of her chest. But it's different, and the landscape around her begins to shift into what it actually is—a meadow nestled in the far corner of Vermeda, the secret place she's come to escape the unwanted eyes and ears of others.
And he is here, and different, too. His eyes are softer, his caress gentler. She begins to wonder if this will be different. If he'll come to his senses at any moment and push her away as he's done before. But for each second that drags on he grows more fervent, and the furl of want that begins to bloom deep in her belly becomes something she swiftly can't ignore.
What had once been an almost chaste, innocuous overture had become unhurried kisses, and sweet nothings, and blissful sighs.
Her head leans down to plant a small kiss upon his brow, but she instead finds the broad warmth of his mouth against hers. A gasp catches between her lips and his. She had come to accept his nibbles and kisses to his possessiveness, to his drive to wash away any other scent that lingers on her skin without his permission. She had taken it as something of an advantage, a momentary spell with which she could weave that would make him feel like hers for just a moment. But as he kisses her with such urgency and such want, Melusina comes all apart, her preconceived notions all but quashed under the heat of his mouth.
She wants to speak, to whisper his name into his mouth and every other little encouragement she wants to voice aloud. But he is sweeping her in his arms, and he flips them with such an ease that he steals a gasp from her lips. Suddenly, she is on top, and from her position above him she can see the sprawl of the meadow in its final flowering of the season, and she can see him, and the sweeping plume of snow-white hand swooping into his face, and the rigid set of his jaw, making up the rest of his handsome features. And she feels small but not helpless, delicate but not weak. She has power. He has given her power, letting slip a part of his control he never has before, not even on that hillside.
Her eyes blink wide, at first, surprised. But then comes understanding, and the implications that he was trying to convey. He could very well shove her off and flee if he wants to, and she knows it, but there is something deeply gratifying and forthcoming about the way he relents it regardless.
Melusina has long asked herself how she could ever come to love a man like @Cassius ♔. She knows why, now. He takes and consumes and conquers, but here, he has given her a piece of himself.
She's crying, and for the first time they're tears of contentment and trust.
In tune with every movement, every breath, she follows his guidance with rapt affection. She lays ghost-kisses along his jawline, her hips press ever-so-pleasantly into the large span of his, and her eyes flutter shut as she loses herself in him. And as he grows rougher she does not relent. Rather, she repeats her mantra close, just under a whisper where he cannot hear her:
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Fade to black.
She is sleeping soundly, lulled by the gentle curl of his claw in her hair and warmth he radiates that competes with the sun. She doesn't recall when she drifted off—sometime between their ardent lovemaking and her lazy, sheepish kissing along his throat—but the time seems to drawl on with enjoyable slowness.
Dreams creep in that belong to the part of her that's still a girl, and they're of him, and of her, and of blissfully better days.
But then his purring halts, and he pulls his hand from her hair. Melusina rouses too slow, and she's still blinking away her sleepiness when he pulls entirely away. Almost immediately, her heart seizes in her chest, and the realization of what he was doing and what he was saying causes her heart to sink into her belly.
I— he begins, and she feels her heart seize. I should go.
He has found it—the line she fears. The very rock bottom with which he can scorn and humiliate her from which there is no return. She feels her face twist into one of shock, and hurt, and betrayal. She can't tell if the pain in her chest is from her held breath or her heartache.
Not again. Not again. Please.
Cass—
she begins, but is cut off by the sound of her own choked sob.
Her face twists with a flurry of emotions. Grief, shame, anguish, anger. But her fury is not explosive and unrestrained; instead, it is tempered, and controlled, and made and remade and made again, until it is exhausted into nothing but a sputtering, decaying spark.
No, Cassius,
she commands, but her voice is followed by a sniffle. You don't get to do this. Not again. Please—not again.
But she isn't moving. Why isn't she moving? She is so tired, so thoroughly blighted by grief and hate and regret. And love. Terrible, awful love.
Why can't we be together?
she asks, and she feels as if she's asked herself this same question a thousand times and each time had a different answer. Why can't we make this work? I want to be with you. I want to be your wife. I want to—
be a family.
She swallows, hard.
I want to be yours.
She longs to understand the part of Freja that is so different that Cassius deems her acceptable to keep at his side. Perhaps it is because she had denied him for so long, and now he is simply seeking retribution as she might have had their roles been reversed. But Melusina had been just a little girl, and had one paw in his world, and one paw in hers; and when she had chosen her family over him she had paid the consequences of it.
But now she is here. Now she chooses him. Is it still not enough?
Just how many goodbyes would it take for her to understand that it still might not be enough?
This is the last time I'll let you leave.
Her voice breaks, but her expression is quiet, and grave. I am yours, Cassius. But if you turn away from me now, then I'm gone.
Gone from him. Gone from Vermeda. Gone from—
She wonders if she has the heart.
She has to, lest history continue to repeat itself. She had told him herself, after all: it won't change anything. I'll still love you to the end of time.