The marks of most recent battles had begun to heal, but some would remain more visible than others. It hadn't been too long, but since that day, she hadn't returned to the Cove. Not even to rest in her den. Instead she'd roamed the shore, a pale wraith against the dark sands. The air was growing colder, but with it came something else. More than once, she'd simply stood with her gaze cast towards the horizon, across the waves. In those moments she'd sat in silence, just watching the hours tick by, watching the dance of the waves. But her mind wandered far beyond the borders of Amaryllis. To days long gone.
There was a sense of joy filling her entire being. Life was...great, wasn't it? After ascending to the throne by the side of her so beloved husband, it all seemed to perfect. He loved her, she loved him. Together they had a bond that seemed unbreakable and they were envied for it. Most, by his older brother. He too had wanted her, but they'd fought her and the younger had been the victor. It was as simple as that. And even the elder came around eventually, loyal to them despite feelings that couldn't go away so easily. They were a family and it couldn't have been more perfect. Even before they ruled, before they'd come of age, they'd always been out there. Fighting, claiming what they desired. It was their way of life and they'd compared her to one of their beloved goddesses. So kind and loving, yet such a vicious force of nature in battle. Perhaps there was something to it, as both their bloodlines were said to be descended from the Gods.
It was always meant to be. Wasn't it? But it all changed. One time when he left with a group of men, leaving her behind to look after their people, something happened. He returned and she learned the truth. He'd been with another woman and she claimed to be carrying his children. She forgave him, trusted him when he said it would never happen again. But then she came and it all changed. This woman walked across their borders as if she was already their queen, proclaimed herself his new mate and that she was carrying his heirs. He wanted them both, wanted to keep them both. Enraged by this, hurt by him so openly accepting the other woman after vowing to her that the single night with the other meant nothing and that he only wanted her alone, she'd left. She refused to just become the other woman after having been his first wife. That night she'd wanted to tell him. He'd not even looked at her long enough to notice the swell of her sides. Yet he pleaded for her to stay, claiming still that the new woman meant nothing, that her arrival wouldn't change that only she was the queen. She wanted to believe, but couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, she left.
Her path took her along a shore of pale sands and there she watched the raging sea as a storm began to darken the sky. Swept off by waves the previously only danced around her paws, she fought to stay above the water as it pulled her out to sea. But the current grew stronger, pulling at her and as it slowly pulled her towards the blackened depths, she closed her eyes a final time before her head joined the rest of her beneath the waves. One final breath sent bubbles rising towards the surface and she felt herself slipping away as tears mixed with ocean water. Though she didn't weep for herself. She wept for the children who'd never feel the warmth of the winter sun, never smell the air after that first summer's rain.
But the Gods hadn't given up on her just yet, even if she gave up on herself. Protected by something unknown, her unconscious body had washed ashore on the soft sands of the land she'd eventually come to learn was Amaryllis. Tear still mixed with wet fur as her body shook, wracked by pains that seemed to pull at everything in her body. It was that pain that woke her. Confusion soon made way for horror as her gaze landed on two small bodies, unmoving, far too tiny to exist outside the safety of a womb. She didn't need to see them to know. But she picked them up carefully anyway, bringing them to a corner where none would ever see. Two small holes in which they were buried. Not even now could she bring herself to make any sounds. Instead, she wandered off, her mind still clouded, barely registering that she'd gone past what seemed to be the entrance to this land, walking until unsteady paws reached blackened sand. There, she stood upon the shore, water lapping at her paws as she turned her head to the sky and let out a roar of pain and anguish as storm clouds darkened the sky.
Turning her head to the sky, she watched the storm clouds gather as they had that day while memory gave way to reality once more. Paws kneaded the sand on which she'd once stood in desperation, unsheathed claws digging into it. That day, she'd stood in that very same spot, broken and it pain. But now? As her roar echoed across the shore, lightning strikes illuminating the pale figure against darkened sands and sky, it was one of rage, a challenge for her Gods to answer her. Would they answer this time? Probably not. They always were so silent. At times that was comforting, but now, overwhelmed with memories from the past, emotions raging from the ways she felt she'd failed, it enraged her that they were so silent. Where were they when she needed them?
@Kvare