No regrets

and yet, every regret

Time had flown by so much faster than anyone could have imagined. Life always found a way to keep going and so, time moved on. No matter what happened, time never stopped.

At times she found herself wondering, thinking of what could have been if she had stayed. Would things be like this? Or would she remain cast aside, used as they pleased and ignored when there was no other use for her? Would she be happy? No. That was one thing she knew. No matter if she missed what used to be, when she thought of it, there was little longing, only rage. But when she thought of the Cove, she felt happy. A happiness she didn't even know she could feel, despite the good life she'd had before.

But beyond the happiness was something else. A drive to ensure the happiness of all those around her. That drive was what had her leaving her den much earlier than normal. Gathering something in a small pouch, she made her way to a den she was by now quite familiar with. And as the sun had begun its journey through the sky painted with the early morning flames, she stood by the entrance of the den, letting out a soft chuff to call for @Sunder without disturbing the little ones or anyone else too much.

code by corvus

It is early in the morning and Sunder is wide awake, watching as the little ones sleep comfortably around her. Her mind is racing, filled with thoughts of Kvare and what had happened between them. Of the heated argument that she and Keligan had revolved around the man and the insecurities that plagued their marriage. Sunder knew that everything was different now, she knew that there was a very real possibility that Keligan would begin to take other wives. She had seen it plenty of times before when she was nothing but a servant. All of the Kings had multiple wives, it was nothing new to her but it was different when she was the wife. Perhaps she had messed up with Kvare, but it didn't feel like a mistake when he made her feel seen. @Lagertha's call is a welcome one, she is eager to escape from her thoughts and silently removes herself from the family den. The woman is only a few paces away but Sunder continues to walk, though not before bumping her head affectionately against the woman's before motioning for her to follow. "I'm glad you called. I was already awake and.. needing a distraction." She muses as they head further down the beach, pausing only so she could sit and watch the sun as it continued to rise further. "How are you doing?" She would ask her friend quietly, waiting.

art by hush

No regrets

and yet, every regret

It was always different to just witness a situation instead of being part of it. Being part of it, right in the middle of it even, could be terrifying, no matter the situation. And though she knew little to nothing of what was going on, she could tell that something was weighing heavily on her friend. Which was one of the reasons why she'd come to see her so early, to give her a moment of reprieve and an ear if she needed.

She was drawn out of her thoughts when @Sunder appeared and she responded to the gentle bump with a soft rumble and a soft, affectionate nudge of her nose against the other woman's cheek. The soft rumble still vibrated in her throat as she walked with her friend, ears quivering a little as she listened. "I'm always here if you need someone talk to. Sometimes the storm of our minds can be hard to weather without reprieve."

As they settled by the beach to watch the sunrise, she placed her pouch between her paws, looking down at it for a moment. Her gaze returned to the flaming horizon, silence lingering between them for a moment while she tried to find the right words for her friend's question. "I've been doing alright, I suppose. A lot better than before I came here. But I too needed a distraction."

code by corvus

I'm always here if you need someone talk to. Sometimes the storm of our minds can be hard to weather without reprieve. Her tail would twitch lightly at @Lagertha's words and she would offer the woman a small smile before her gaze would return to the rising sun, mulling over her offer. Sunder had never truly had a friend before, not during her time as a servant. This was all new to her, but she liked having someone that she could confide in and lean on in the rougher times. I've been doing alright, I suppose. A lot better than before I came here. But I too needed a distraction. "You and me both. Though, I've seemed to make a mess of things." She admitted quietly, glancing over at her friend before diving right into things. "I've had relations with someone else. Of course I've told Keligan and we've discussed things. There is another woman that he .. wants. He might take her as a wife, I'm not sure. Well.. no. I am certain he'd take her as his wife in a heartbeat if she agrees to come here." Sunder says, ignoring the sting of unshed tears in her blue eyes. "I don't know why it upsets me so. I've seen this time and time again in my past, Kings took multiple wives all the time. I guess it's just different now that I am the wife. But I'm not perfect, again as I said.. I've given a piece of myself to someone else. I cannot expect Keligan to not do the same. It just.. feels like I'm ripping myself in two." She couldn't help the word vommit that spilled out of her, shooting and apologetic glance in Lagertha's direction. She probably thought so lowly of her, she probably disgusted her. That Sunder could even do the things that she's done. She was a Queen, she was supposed to set an example. And the thing was, she didn't even regret it. Maybe that made her a bad person, maybe that made her a terrible person.

art by hush

No regrets

and yet, every regret

Friends. Something foreign to both of them in a way. Lagertha had friends before, but never female ones. It was new, but it felt so natural with @Sunder that she couldn't help but seek her company when they could. Her ears twitched as she listened, quiet and attentive. The change in her tone as she spoke of Keligan's...other interest, it told her all she needed to know. Shifting a little she softly nudged her nose against her cheek to comfort her silently. Though she hadn't spoken of it, it was a pain she understood all too well. Once Sunder had finished speaking, the pale lioness sought to place a paw on her friend's paw, a gentle touch. "Of course you are upset. No matter what you did, you do have a right to feel hurt and upset. But I also know his heart," she said quietly. "I can see how much he loves you and no matter if he takes her or not, you are the one his heart calls for, more than anyone else." A soft sigh escaped her as she went quiet for a moment, ears twitching and quivering as she thought about what to say, how to say it in a way that made sense and would help her friend...somehow. "You have a big heart and so does he. Both of you have so much love to give and even if you find yourself open to sharing this love with another person, to bring more into that bond, it will still be you and him at the center. You are his Queen, the Queen of his heart and soul. Nothing and no one can take that from you."

Lagertha went quiet for a while, ears flattening against her head as she kept her gaze on the horizon. "I...actually understand your pain and fears in this situation quite well as a situation similar to this was why I left my home and found myself in Amaryllis," she eventually said, her voice no longer sweet and gentle but cold, strained. It was a painful memory, yet it only brought forth a cold fire of rage now. "We were in love for what felt like an eternity. He swore to me that I would be his only one, but then he found another. He suggested opening our bond, but I couldn't do it. Because I could see that I was no longer a priority to him and that he would just cast me aside for her. So I left." Yet another sigh slipped past her lips and she looked at Sunder, her gaze softening again as she nuzzled her friend. "But Keligan is not like that. You will still be his priority, and if he ever strays from that, I will knock some sense into him."

code by corvus

Of course you are upset. No matter what you did, you do have a right to feel hurt and upset. But I also know his heart, I can see how much he loves you and no matter if he takes her or not, you are the one his heart calls for, more than anyone else. You have a big heart and so does he. Both of you have so much love to give and even if you find yourself open to sharing this love with another person, to bring more into that bond, it will still be you and him at the center. You are his Queen, the Queen of his heart and soul. Nothing and no one can take that from you. Sunder sits quietly as she listens to @Lagertha and suddenly she realizes just how lucky she is to have found a friend in the woman. Not only was she strong and capable, she was incredibly intuitive and supportive. The next words that would come from the woman were a complete surprise to Sunder. She had never asked Lagertha to share her past, had only figured that she would in time when she was ready. But to hear that she had dealt with such a similar situation made Sunder lean against her, shoulder to shoulder. "I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. You deserve someone who will give you the world. Who would lasso the moon and pull it down for you if you wanted it." She says softly, leaning forward to groom the back of Lagertha's neck gently, if she'd allow it. "I appreciate you more then you know. I just .. can't help but feel like I made such a mess of all this. Keligan and I have agreed to allow each other to have other partners. An open relationship. And part of me is accepting of it, I feel like it might be good for us. But the other part of me worries if it might ruin us also..." She treads lightly for just a few moments before finally whispering, "I'm in love with Kvare." The words fall easily from her mouth and though they should have been forbidden she could not help but feel as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. To finally share it with someone, especially someone who was as important to her as Lagertha .. well it felt, freeing. She watches the woman carefully, gauging her reaction. If anyone would be honest with her, it would surely be her.

art by hush

No regrets

and yet, every regret

Though she could be cold, merciless even, such was reserved for battle. Those she considered friends and family were shown something different. A kind and loving soul who'd stand by those she loved without question. A loyal friend.

And still, the words about her past had been cold, given a glimpse of what lurked behind those kind eyes. The soft words from her friend were something that touched her heart, even if she'd try to deny it. A weary sigh slipped past her lips as she lowered her head ever so slightly, allowing @Sunder to so gently groom her neck. Emerald eyes slowly fell shut as her entire body seemed to slump in her sitting position, slightly leaning against her friend, as if a heavy weight had begun to lift from her very being. She hadn't realized it herself, but this was the first time she'd ever spoken about what had happened. "I don't know if I will ever experience such a thing. But it doesn't matter. The Gods will punish him...and her, when the time is just right."

Soft ears perked ever so slightly from their flattened position as she listened. "And I appreciate you, søt skygge," she said softly. Though after that she went quiet, listening and taking in even the whispered words. I'm in love with Kvare. The words echoed through her entire being. That...was definitely unexpected. At first she actually didn't really seem to know what to say. "We can't control what our hearts choose. And what you know within your heart of hearts is that you love Keligan and that your heart is big enough to give part of it to another. Feeling love for more than one person is not wrong. Some may struggle to understand, but that is alright as well. It would be wrong to keep such a thing secret, but being open about it to the ones you are bound to by the bonds of your heart is the first step. Secrets cause pain. And an open relationship can only work if all people involved in it are honest with each other."

Translation key
i. sweet shadow

code by corvus

An open relationship can only work if all people involved in it are honest with each other. Sunder had turned her gaze back out to the sky, watching it in silence as she listened to @Lagertha's advice. She was trying to be honest, she was trying to be forthcoming with her emotions. It felt as though things were completely different between she and Keligan now. Perhaps because of the difference between him and Kvare. It was a tough space to be in, especially considering she loved both of them so fluently. "I just wish we could live in harmony. Keligan had preached harmony to me, had said that he lived with multiple partners before. I just feel like I'm pushing him past what he's used to. I can't help that I'm a free-spirit. I spent my entire past being chained, I don't want to be now." She says to Lagertha quietly. She didn't want to be a prisoner in her own home, in her marriage. She wanted freedom, and she still wanted to be loved. She knew it was a lot to ask, she knew she wasn't easy to deal with. But she just wanted Keligan to try.

art by hush

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am

The slender frame of the lighter toned lioness slumped a little more until she was stretched out next to her friend, allowing her shoulder to rest against @Sunder and if she allowed rest her chin on her friend's paw. "They are both very different men. You've known them for longer than I have, but I know that they want you to be happy. They may have different ways of showing it, and need a few good smacks to the head, but I do know they mean it." Shifting a little she peered up at her, tail moving lazily in the sand. "And you shouldn't be chained in any way, not fearing to lose part of who you are meant to be. They need to show you that they love you for who you are, not who they want you to be." For a moment she went quiet, seeming lost in thought, ears swiveling. "I'm sure there is a way...that there is something that can be done. I care about you and want you to be happy...you deserve it. But I care about Keligan too. I want happiness for both of you...to make all of this better somehow."

code by flea, art by irish

Sunder remained quiet as she listened to @Lagertha, she wasn't sure if there was a way to fix things. Everything seemed like it was on shaky ground, the outcome still unknown. "I know you do." She admonished, Lagertha had been a friend to both her and Keligan, she could understand how she would be able to see from both of their positions. "I'm not asking you to pick a side. I just want you to know where I'm coming from." She told her friend then, because the last thing Sunder would ever do is to force someone to choose her over another. That went against her entire being, she wouldn't force a soul to do anything. Not in her home, not ever. She lets loose a long, slow sigh as she leans back. In the very least, she felt a little bit better discussing things with her friend and getting everything off her chest.

art by hush