It had been a long ass time since Alizabeth had handled a teenage boy, much less one that was getting close to being a full grown adult. Yet, @Nero still had so many childlike qualities about him that he would need time to grow out of. A heavy sigh escapes her lips as he speaks. She could tell already that he was assuming the worst again. As he continued on, bringing up her past mistakes, the woman's ears pressed back, her heart dropping painfully. Jaws clenched together as she repressed the hiss that ached to slip from between her clenched jaws. "Going to hold that over my head, huh? Even though I came back. Even though I've been here, doing my best to be here for you?"

How much would she have to make up for it?

He looks away, her muscles tensing as he speaks once more. He apologizes and his voice, his tone feels empty - shallow. She wanted to yell at him, some part of her wanted to attack. Fighting was always easier when it was physical. Yet the woman didn't have the heart to take out her frustrations on her own son. Toes curl, talons digging into the earth as he continues, talking about his life. All that he's been through. The Alizabeth from two years ago would've told him to suck it up. To get over it. Bad shit happened, all the time, but letting it hold you back as a person was weakness. Dwelling on it was weak.

But that wasn't her anymore. And the Alizabeth now would never say that to the sweet, delicate son she'd adopted. Stepping toward him, the woman summoned all her patience and spoke, her voice clear - concise. "Who the fuck said you weren't good enough? You're the only one in my life that I've ever trusted with my whole heart, Nero. I fucking love you, you foolish boy." A paw lifts, moving to cup his chin softly, wanting to pull his gaze back to her with a gentle tug. "You are far more than good enough and I will never leave you again. Not even death could stop me, you hear me?" She scowls, her scarred, tattered features holding a determined scowl.

Did you get enough love
my little dove?

Although he feels immediate regret in bringing up the past, Nero can't help it. He has no leash on his emotions because no one has ever taught him how to handle things -- for so long, Nero had raised himself. It had only been a few short months ago that Saga had finally pulled him from the band, emaciated and stinking of infection. The formative months of his life had been spent without any emotional growth, and the yearling knew he was.. slow. Slower to mature than others. Maybe he will never be who he would have been had things gone differently, but there is no use worrying abut that now. He is who he is.

And who he is.. is tired. She defends herself as he expects her to, and Nero has no fight left to try and express how awful it had been when he realized she had gone. How he had sat at the front of the den for days, waiting, his belly rumbling and shivering at night when the wintry winds snaked through the den. Nero would have died there, a malnourished little skeleton nestled in the back corner, if he hadn't forced himself to wander. There is a part of him that would always, always resent her for that. Nero isn't strong enough to overcome it, but he doesn't have the willpower to ask why she hadn't simply dropped him off at a pride.

His eyes widen as she grabs his chin, gently pulling his face towards hers. Who had said he wasn't good enough? No one. It was their actions that had showed him that. No words had ever needed to be said. He doesn't understand what she means when she says he's the only one she's ever given her entire heart to, because.. what does that even mean? His brows knit together in confusion as she presses on, saying she loves him. He pauses for a moment, trying to recall if anyone had ever told him that before besides his biological parents. Even that memory is hazy and he struggles to hold on before it dissipates entirely. Saga has not said it, he knows, despite him having been free with his expression. She is a steely woman, though, and he can only assume she just.. doesn't feel comfortable saying it out loud. That's all. It.. it isn't something she needs to say, though. Nero doesn't need to hear it. It's okay.

Before he realizes it, there are tears streaming silently down his cheeks. Nero is a weak boy -- a pathetic, weak boy who has no business with the Sigrun. They are strong and capable and he is a mewling babe, masquerading as something he is not. He wants to believe Aliza when she says she'll never leave, but he simply cannot force his heart to accept it. Asteria is gone, Saga has nearly died twice within the past month, and soon he will lose Alizabeth to the two buffoons she says it's complicated with -- shit, maybe she'll even have her own biological children with them. He has only just gotten her back and yet he knows their time is limited. The yearling wants to recoil from her touch but has no energy to do so. She makes him feel so wrong for feeling the way he does, but how does he stop? She promises to never leave him again, but how does he accept that? Wordlessly he stands there, trying to blink away the tears. There is no fight left in him, weak little boy that he is.

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@Nero doesn't say a word, he starts crying and Alizabeth feels her heart break. She didn't mean to make him feel worse. He thought he was weak? She was the one fumbling and breaking down because her son was crying. Without really thinking about it she grabbed him gently and pulled him in against the fluff of her chest. A paw moves up to press against the back of his neck, talons combing through the thick of his mane. The woman honestly had no idea what was going through his head, but as someone who had also been abandoned as a child, she could only guess that he was afraid. Afraid of being abandoned again.

Alizabeth didn't know what she could to convince him, but she wanted him to feel secure. "Listen, kid...I know there's likely nothing I can say that will convince you, but..." She murmurs, pulling back to look at him again. Magenta eyes narrow softly, her tongue lashes out to lick his forehead delicately. "You're my family, and no matter what fuckin' guys are in my life, you'll always be my number one guy." Alizabeth teases softly, trying her best to cheer him up. It felt sort of hopeless, though. How could she help him? The ashen woman desperately wanted to know.

Did you get enough love
my little dove?

Nero doesn't know what he wants. Not really. Well.. he does, but there's no way he could ever have it. Ever. Nero will never been able to call Saga or Alizabeth his biological mothers, will never feel that he is as worthy and loved as their actual flesh and blood. He knows how Saga has shunned Asteria, knows she would do the same to him if she found out he questioned the existence of Vellen as well. Her love is conditional, in a way, and he is terrified of losing it. Alizabeth has never asked him to be anything other than himself, and yet she is the one he fears the most. Even as she pulls him close and does her best to reassure him that she won't leave, that he is above any other man in her life, the yearling boy cannot help but quietly sob into her chest. He doesn't know if she means it or not -- after all, she has overridden his comfort of them being in his home. Nero needs time to adjust to the men, slowly, and having them sniffling around his home makes him uncomfortable. He is too afraid of another rebuke to say anything about it, though, and so he simply forces his feelings down. Whatever he feels is oftentimes scolded as being incorrect, so he must learn to not feel at all. Isn't that the best course of action? Shut off the feelings entirely? Nero feels so absolutely alone and is too afraid to ask for what he wants, so instead, he simply mumbles: "Yeah."

Because what else can he say?

code by tobi

Alizabeth didn't want to make him uncomfortable, so she could keep them at bay for now and hope that @Nero would warm up to them at least. A sigh escapes her lips, holding him closer, attempting to soothe him as best she can with her warmth, presence and a light, gentle hum. "Kid, I know you have more feelings than that. You can talk to me about them." She murmurs, leaning back once more to look at him. "It's okay to feel sad, ya know? And mad. Just know that I'm here to help you if I can. I made a promise to stick around this time, yeah?" She pauses, thinking hard on her next words. He really did seem opposed to them being anywhere near the Lagoon. "Don't worry about them being around home. They won't be allowed until you say so, kay?" It's all she could think to do at this point. Alizabeth felt almost desperate to help him feel better. To reassure him. Please cheer up.

Did you get enough love
my little dove?

Nero stiffens at the mere thought of opening up. "Whenever I talk about my feelings, they're wrong. It doesn't matter who it's with." He looks away, his teeth clenching. Of course it sounds appealing to sit there and gush, but Nero is.. afraid. With Asteria it seems he can only say the wrong thing, so what's to stop him from being just as terrible with @Alizabeth? Not much. He certainly hasn't matured much since saying goodbye to the midnight lioness.

He shrugs, shoulder tense, as she finally agrees to keep the men at bay for now. "I'm just a selfish little fuckin' twat. You can do whatever you want, it's not my place to tell you otherwise." Even if he had just blown up at her for it. "I just.. I would have liked to know before? I get that love or whatever the fuck is supposedly crazy, but.. if I'm your son, shouldn't you have thought about bringing me into the loop?" The lion frowns, chewing the inside of his cheek bloody. "I don't know, it just doesn't seem fair to have it sprung like that -- and not just one, but two dudes? And what if we don't get along? Are you gonna ditch me for them?" Regardless of how many times she tried to soothe him over it, his abandonment issues were fierce.

Nero flexes his claws into the earth uncertainly. "Everyone leaves. Promises or not. I've learned it's better to pretend they don't exist, but.. I'unno, I can't help myself. I want them to be true, but.." He sighs sadly, wiping the drying tears with the back of his paw.

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"Your feelings are super fuckin' important to me, kid. I promise." She attempted to reassure him, but she knew it would likely be more action than talk with @Nero at this point. Alizabeth didn't mind, but with all the recent events happening, she was stretched thin. She was busy thinking heavy on things when Nero started in on being hard on himself. Brows furrow, listening quietly as he speaks.

He had valid points, but what happened hadn't been apart of the plan. The idea had been to slowly introduce him and let him get to know each fella individually. Not the chaos that had ensued. "Well, see, all this shit was brand new when things fuckin' erupted. Had basically just established all those mushy fuckin' feelings when...you know, that happened." She motioned with her paw as if he could see her thoughts and understood. Good goin', Alizabeth.

That tattered ear flicks and she quirks a brow at her son, nose wrinkling a bit. "I'd ditch those losers before ditchin' you, kid. No man comes before my babies." A sigh escapes the ivory lioness as he continues. She understood. More than he knew. Before coming to Amaryllis, Alizabeth had told herself she wasn't going to get involved again.

No more love. No more kids. No more fun, really. But here she was, in the thick of it. "I got yer fuckin' back, you'll see." It was the best she could do. If he didn't believe in promises, she'd just have to show him. Alizabeth Valentine wasn't going any goddamn where.