she can't believe it's nearly time for her middle litter's yearling ritual. and a pang of fear settles in her gut at the thought. would vellen punish her for harboring a nonbeliever for so long? even though she refuted asteria to save the family, would the god shun her for not noticing ( or accepting ) sooner? she can only beg the god not to take her remaining children - her true children? - now that she's gotten herself back on the acceptable path. she can only hope and pray. given his recent descent to she and the skagos punk, proclaiming them to have done well, saga doesn't imagine he'll be damning any of them. she's slayed two of their enemies in the span of weeks and though she's damaged for it, the sigrun are thriving in his name. her heart heavy, she struggles carefully outside of her den, eye sweeping the territory for sign of the little dark chimera she'd like to see. when she doesn't immediately find her, she issues a chuffing call for @Hillevi. she has to fight back to rising panic at not immediately finding her girl - she's surely just exploring or learning or training. or, you know, not sitting outside the one place her mom is stuck for the remaining near future. she's no fool, she wouldn't get herself in danger now. but it still elicits a primal fear, after all she's been through with her cubs, to not see her after a heartbeat's search.

table by koi // stock

Hillevi would never even consider ignoring her mother. After those dreadful months spent in the Oasis, and seeing Saga's life on the line more than once, she clings to every precious moment she can get — she knows that they could be fleeting, and they aren't infinite. Any memory could be her last, and that thought haunts her every day.

The closer the day comes that marks her first birthday, the more time Hillevi spends by the ocean. There are answers she seeks in the waves, but Vellen never seems to answer her. He's testing her, she knows it, and there is an eerie calm that has settled over her at the thought of it. She has not known fear a day in her life, and she doesn't know it now.

She turns away from the beach with a little huff, heading inland when @Saga calls for her. There she finds her mother at the mouth of her den, upright if not somewhat wobbly. "Mama," she greets softly, a bit of a question in her tone — though she's certainly not complaining about alone time with her. Her forehead bumps against the hollow of Saga's throat; Hillevi is always softer when it comes to her mother, and more earnest than she is with anyone else.

image by cas-tello, code by koi

@Hillevi arrives after only a moment and the panic eases from the knot its made in her chest. her muscles loosen as her daughter slides up to bump her head against her and the sovereign offers a ragged little purr. she doesn't know how to explain to the girl why she's called, the anxiety that she felt at not finding her. it seems foolish, the fear, and saga doesn't want to admit that it ensnared her. so for a moment she says nothing, merely looking out at the sea, before exhaling softly. "are you settling back in?" she asks gently, then, tipping her head to peer at the chimeric girl from her remaining eye. they never really discussed leaving her and velkan with seneca; never discussed what it was like or why it was necessary or how any of them felt about it. she isn't exactly sure that's where she wants to go with this, now, but she wants to mend any hurt left by her decisions. to explain anything that didn't make sense in her youth, especially now as she stands nearly ready to take her second drowning. she'll be a tried and true adult soon enough._{BG — ART — CODE}