it takes some time but she comes back into herself, slow at first and then abruptly. he can tell the moment she's awake for her breathing increases, becoming shallow with panic once more. he hums a soft enough, a quiet purr hoping to soothe her -- she was awake, yes, but still safe. it was still just them. no one would hurt her in this den, not even the ghosts of her past. @Mononoke does the typical thing and apologizes, and immediately he click his tongue. nope, none of that. don't you dare, he murmurs, though there's no real heat behind it. later, maybe, she will get the scolding she so rightfully deserves -- as if this is anything to apologize about. as if any of this was worth apologizing for. she gets off lucky now as she leans mostly into @Gawain's side, and he almost smiles to see it. there is something... charming about the two people he cares most about snuggled up, though such warm feelings were certainly inappropriate right now, of all times. instead he shelves that away, quietly noticing the strange lack of jealousy that she picked gawain's side to lean into instead of his, and shifts. that, too, was a thought for another day. she turns her muzzle towards him as she speaks, blinking her remaining eye as she struggles with her vision. that wasn't a great sign, but it was familiar enough. it's okay, it will pass, he promises, voice a quiet hum. in order for it to pass, though, she would need to calm down -- to quiet her racing heartbeat. a task easier said than done, but fortunately, it's something that they all three have experience with. ears tip forward as he offers her a smile, easy and warm, keeping still and in her sight-line as he speaks. lean into gawain, match his breathing. he instructions, looking to their burly companion, hoping he wouldn't mind being tagged in for this. it was something @Gawain was good at, and hopefully with their proximity it would be an easy task. focus on that as best you can, the other things ( the haunting realizations and bone-deep grief ) would not be so easily put to rest, but one thing at a time. inhale, exhale. squeeze her paw, and then reach over to squeeze gawain's, too. the three of them, working together.

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mononoke yōsei lupai

---

like fragile tiny shells, drifting in the foam
trusting @Elijah isn't new to her, but it is admittedly a struggle to let him lead when part of her still wants to flee the realizations that have come today. still, she manages to follow his instructions, matching @Gawain's breathing and slowly, slowly calming her own. her heartbeat calms with it, and soon enough, her vision stops spotting and flickering. thank you, she whispers, sniffling softly. i - she cuts herself off before she can apologize again, casting both men a sheepish glance - but hey, at least she caught herself, right? progress. i'm... i'm glad you're both here.

maybe it's lame or cliche of her to say, but... she's genuinely thankful they're here. she doesn't know if she would've made it through today if they hadn't shown up, and the knowledge of that is written in her face. it seems an appropriate time to tell the two men that they're loved, that they're appreciated, but the words won't crawl past her throat; clogging her windpipe and threatening to choke her. she's seen the way they look at each other - she's not blind, not even in the depths of her grief is she blind - and it... saddens her, even as it makes her happy.

they both deserve to be happy, they deserve the world. it's just that she wonders if... if perhaps she ought to leave. to let them be happy without her in the way. sniffling, she decides to leave that question for another time - she can always come back to visit, after all! she just... has trouble seeing her own worth, or believing that she won't just be a burden or in the way if she stays. especially if she's breaking down like this every few months. who wants to deal with any of that?

she'd do anything for either of them, but she can't see that they'd do the same for her - and that they'd never see her as a weight on their backs. wiping at her face with a paw, she offers them both a trembling smile, but her eye is too dark for it to be in any way believable. you don't have to stay, she says, softly. i - i'll be okay now. if they could ignore the darkness of her eye, or the way her lips tremble as she speaks, maybe it'd be a believable lie - but momo has never been easily able to conceal her heart. perhaps that's why she winds up hurting so often and so easily.

code by corvus

When @Elijah told her to settle against him and listen to his breathing, he rested his head across @Mononoke's shoulders. He was careful not to rest too much weight on her (he was only a little afraid of accidentally crushing her) but he hoped the pressure would help ground her nonetheless. And when she thanked them both, he smiled. "We'll always be here, Momo. That's what family does." Because that's what they were, wasn't it? Family? At least, the closest he'd had since his parents passed. Entirely unaware of the spiraling in her mind, he started to groom the back of her neck and shoulder. Something Eli had done for him when he'd been anxious. It was intended to be a comforting gesture, and he hoped it would be taken that way. When she said they could leave, he stayed quite still. He knew that in a similar situation, he would probably say the same thing and not mean it. Instead, he planted his head back gently but firmly on her shoulder, then glanced to Eli. "I think I'd rather stay, if it's alright with you." He couldn't protect her from her own mind, or from the loss of her son. But he could certainly try to protect her from the crushing loneliness that came after a panic attack.

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he knows how hard this is, knows how hard it is to bounce back after feeling so low. it will not be an easy process, nor a quick one, but he is happy to help however he can. and... this time, they are not alone -- no longer is it just the two of them, struggling together. @Gawain is here now, a stable foundation to lean against. he is a good cornerstone, and a good cuddle partner, too. there is nowhere else i'd rather be, as he speaks he looks to both of them, a shy little smile turning up his lips. both of them. he is quiet as she calms further, matching gawain's breathing -- and he finds himself following suit. a force of habit, one that is actually helpful. especially in situations like this. soon enough everything seems calm and quiet, maybe not great but certainly better than it was. that's all he could ask for here. finally she feels comfortable enough to offer them an out, as if either of them are chomping at the bit to flee from this den. gawain sees through it, too, and offers to stay -- and elijah follows suit with no hesitation. nope, elijah says quickly on the heels of gawain -- rejecting that idea easily, and with a sing-song. i think i'd much rather sleep here tonight, if you don't mind. both men leave ample openings but it's clear that elijah has no intention of leaving her side right now. made even more obvious when he gets up and moves closer to the cuddle pile. he flops down at her empty side, happy to make a @Mononoke sandwich, stretching out and getting comfortable here. he is no tyrant and if she really wanted either of them gone, he'd cooperate of course. but he knows momo, and knows how hard it is to ask for help. so he plans to say until they're shooed away -- happy to make himself a little home nestled here with these two. exit

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mononoke yōsei lupai

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like fragile tiny shells, drifting in the foamShe is... blessed. Blessed in her entirety, to have friends like these, and her heart throbs even as fresh tears well in her eye. Thank you, she whispers to both of them, looking almost surprised as they choose to stay. I don't... I don't know where I'd be without you both. As @Elijah flops down at her empty side, she offers him a sweet kiss to the side of his face, and then she twists her head around to do the same to @Gawain.

Content, she slowly lays her head down on her little paws, a soft sigh escaping, and a tiny smile curling the corners of her lips. She's tired, from today; exhausted, really, and now her two best friends are curled around her. Who wouldn't fall asleep like this? Snuggling in against the pair of them, she drifts off into dreams - warm ones, where paws larger than her own tread on either side of her, keeping her safe even in sleep.

It makes that little smile on her face grow a bit wider.

code by corvus

It was nice, warm and cozy in this little den. A part of him was surprised Naz hadn't decided to join, but perhaps they were off playing somewhere. Happy and safe, as they should be. As they all would be. A purr rumbled in his chest and he snuggled a little closer, offering a nuzzle to Momo's neck and Eli's shoulder. This was contentment, pure and simple. He would still wait for both to fall asleep before he allowed himself to, still shuffled a little to press his hip against the entrance, all reflexes from a life spent protecting others. But he'd certainly never expected his life to lead him here. -Exit

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