Gawain listened quietly as she told her story. There was nothing he could add, after all. Comforting a hurting soul had never been his strong suit- how could it be when you had never had anyone there to teach you- but perhaps he could learn from @Elijah. @Mononoke's story was a tragic one, the loss of any child was tragic, but a few things jumped out as him as she told it. Her sister had been enslaved, and Ichiro's father reminded her of him. His blood ran cold at her next words, though. The White Lotus. He didn't verbalize his recognition, he was too busy processing her words. Her sister had been part of darkstone too? Which meant... Ichiro could have been Landicus's child. Or the child of someone like him. He glanced at Eli, unsure if he would make the same connection. His name brought him back to himself, though, and he gently pressed him muzzle to her shoulder. "I would have been honored," he whispered. His ears drooped sadly as she spoke. He tried to share in her grief, her loss. Tried to shoulder some of the weight for her. "You did everything you possibly could have," he rumbled softly. "And for you, we will do everything we can."

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he asks for a story and he gets one, ears tipping as he listens intently. she's told him before of her child and his son, how the man had come into her life unexpectedly and left just as quickly. at first he thought the man to be a fool, nervous of the responsibility a baby would bring, and had fled like a coward. now, though... he thinks it was something different. mono mentions a fighting ring and the name she provides is... almost familiar. the white lotus. it rings a bell he wishes he could forget. he swallows thickly but does not interrupt, will not interrupt. but as he glances to @Gawain, it's clear that they'd both picked up on it, and his heart sinks. it was a small world, it seemed, and momo's family had certainly suffered. was there nothing that darkstone had not touched and ruined? the thought makes him ill; idly he wonders if he will ever truly escape that place. i know you, momo, and i know you did everything you could. he says on the heel's of gawain, nodding firmly in agreement. there was no room for arguing that fact — sometimes, life was just cruel. it would take and take and take. it just seems that @Mononoke had been a victim of that, over and over again. unfair, he thinks, and wishes he could do anything about the ache in her chest. he was lucky to have you for a mother. he thinks of his own mother, then; lovely eira, always bathed in the warm, golden rays of his memories. time could heal wounds, true, but these would linger for much, much longer than a few scant years. as she mentions being unsure of how to move forward, he almost sighs, guilt rising hot in his throat. i don't know either, he murmurs, and he's terribly sorry for that; elijah is a healer, and he wishes he could just snap his fingers and take her pain away. alas, it did not work like that. but there was something he could do — something they can do. but, we're here for you. you're not alone anymore. they would remember her son together and grieve him together; ichiro would live on in their memories, too, and not just her's. that was what a family did, right?

code by irish

mononoke yōsei lupai

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like fragile tiny shells, drifting in the foam

This content might touch on topics that are sensitive or triggering for some readers. Trigger Warning for mentions of DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL IDEATION, DECEASED CHILD, SELF HARM, MENTION OF SLAVERY

She grieves, and it kills her not to have her son anymore, but - she is not so blinded by her pain that she misses the way @Gawain and @Elijah look at each other at the mention of her sister. She doesn't know Gawain's face as well as she knows Elijah's, not yet, but she knows Eli and the look on his face tells her something is wrong.

He was lucky to have you for a mother, Eli says, and both men say they will be here for her. That they will do all they can for her. Sniffling, she wipes at the tears on her face with bloody hands, turning white fur pink. Thank you, both of you, she murmurs, looking at both of them and finding a flicker of relief winding its way through the grief.

These men would never run from her pain.
It's a realization that leaves her breathless and aching, longing for the family they offer and yet afraid of it all at the same time. She'd known family growing up, and none of her relatives are still here with her - she doesn't think she could survive it if the same thing happened with Gawain and Elijah. In a bid to try and distract herself from her loss, she says, softly, I saw that look. I'm grieving - not blind.

At least, not totally blind. What... what do you know? About my sister. That's why you looked at each other like that, right? It had been at the mention of the White Lotus - she cannot imagine any other part of her story would have the pair of them eyeballing each other with concern.

Well, concern for her, maybe, but not... not about the story in and of itself. She still aches for her son, but she wants to know why the mention of her sister had elicited such a response from them. What did they know? What... might they know about her son's father? It's then that she puts two and two together, and the blood drains from her face so quickly it leaves her dizzy.

You think - you think his father was one of the lions that kept my sister enslaved, don't you? It makes her head spin, but then again - her own sister had said her ex-beau had reminded her of one of the lions that had been responsible for her enslavement. Nothing in the attitude he'd shown any of them, but his looks; Momo hadn't listened at the time because she'd believed herself in love.

Had she been fool enough to love a monster?

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Gawain settled his muzzle against her shoulder. "That's what friends are for," he answered. If friends were for anything, it had to be times like these, right? Even if he wasn't phenomenally familiar with the concept himself, it made sense. Right? The tone shifted suddenly when she questioned their look, and he glanced to Eli again. "I think you and I are on the same page, Eli, but I think this story is more yours to tell than mine. I will tell it if you aren't up to it, though." He considered the story, thinking through everything he knew of the intersection between White Lotus and Darkstone. If the white lotus was Momo's sister...that shifted everything into clearer focus. It explained why he suddenly left with no goodbye. @Mononoke

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elijah shifts a little where he lays, inching closer to momo — hoping to lay at her side, rather than facing her. he'd keep his paw atop hers, though, and extend his tail out and over her to rest against gawain's hip. a sad cuddle pile, but a cuddle pile nonetheless. it doesn't really help combat the grief in his chest for his friend ( for his friends, as momo mentions a name connected to darkstone ), but maybe... maybe it would help. if not now, then eventually. hopefully a united front would be enough to soothe the sadness away, at least for tonight. her gratitude is met with a simple flick of his ear; they were not here, pressed so close, in the hopes of a simple thank you. they were... family, right? this is what family did for one another. @Mononoke, of course, does not miss much -- even in the throes of grief, she doesn't miss the look they give each other. after all, gawain had met his glance with a sharp look; if elijah had any doubts about the name being familiar before, then it was crushed now. she calls them out neatly, pointedly, and his ears dip back -- caught red-handed. no, i know — i'm sorry, he mrrs softly with an apologetic edge. he wasn't trying to hide it from her, except.... well. maybe. hadn't that horrible place caused enough damage? hadn't it sank its claws so deep into them as it were? apparently not. @Gawain speaks, his voice a comfort even as he offers him an out. but... no. i... i don't know much, i never met them. her, he amends, now that momo has given them this extra piece of the puzzle. but... i know that name, momo. she was in darkstone, and if she was in darkstone, then... he trails off, brows furrowing at the connection. he does not want to make it, but momo already has. there's no way to know for sure, he says, gentle as he can. and he does not want to believe it, not really -- he doesn't know why a member of darkstone would go through the trouble of... what? fooling momo into falling in love with him, to try and get to her sister? but then again, elijah had little knowledge of the makeup of that horrid place, aside from the fighting pits he'd seen far too much of. brows still furrowed, he looks to gawain, knowing that the colter man knew the politics of that place much better. it doesn't change the fact, though, that they are here and not back in darkstone. safe and sound, warm in the confines of momo's den. still, he shifts a little, pressing closer to the two of them -- needing the reminder. hopefully they would not blame him too much.

code by irish

mononoke yōsei lupai

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like fragile tiny shells, drifting in the foam

This content might touch on topics that are sensitive or triggering for some readers. Trigger Warning for mentions of DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL IDEATION, DECEASED CHILD, SELF HARM, MENTION OF SLAVERY, PANIC ATTACK

there's no way to know for sure, says @Elijah, but momo has the horrible sinking sensation that there is. if i say that they wanted to breed my sister? when she was enslaved? would that - would that make more sense? because they did, but they couldn't get anyone near her to try it without risking death. she was too violent. shuddering with sudden revulsion, the fae woman struggles to keep her lunch down for a long moment, overcome with the urge to vomit at the idea that her son's father might have been trying to take her as a breeder. i'm not like sonni. i don't have her temperament, and that's probably why he - why he - she trails off, body nearly vibrating with how upset she's become.

that's probably why he chose me, she wants to say, as a rush of tears slides down her face. he wanted my sister's genetics, but knew she wouldn't be a viable target, right? shuddering violently, she shoves herself to her paws and makes an escape from between the two men, her entire body shaking and wobbling, the den spinning as the dots connect in her head and a panic attack overtakes her. wheezing, heaving breath after breath, she desperately tries to make it to the entrance of her den but winds up collapsing just inches from it, gasping for air. her heart gallops in her chest, rushing, rushing, rushing - and then she can't feel it, or anything else, anymore.

- temporary exit via panic blackout, boys can revive her!! -

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Indeed, he knew the politics of the place well. He knew the ins and outs like the back of his paw. His ears flattened at the look @Elijah gave him and he sighed, but he nodded, prepared to explain, well, everything. Because yes. He knew who Sonni was. He knew what the white lotus mark now meant. And he was about to answer @Mononoke's questions when she suddenly lurched up and away. He immediately followed suit, prepared to follow her out into the forest, but her escapade didn't last long. He curled around her once more and started nuzzling her shoulder, trying to wake her, but not before seeking out eye contact with Eli once again. Gawain wasn't very good at expressing concern, but when he sought out Eli, his eyes were wide and his ears were back. That was about the most concern he was able to show visibly, after years of masking his emotions at every turn. "We've got you Momo, we've got you. He won't get you here."

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Her upset is visible, tangible in the air -- aside from the copper edge of where she'd clawed herself. That will need to be looked at once she is calmed down, and her words push them all further and further from that point. The things she suggests.... it is disgusting and vile, but probably not out of the realm of possibility. Considering all that darkstone stood for ( and all the things they did ), that wouldn't even rank top ten of troublesome things. That didn't make it any easier to come to terms with, though. he looks to @Gawain, wondering if he might have any better idea of what the bigger picture of darkstone looked like -- he spoke with them, yes? pretended to be a horrible man to serve other horrible men. a cruel twist of fate, then, that they were all strangely connected by that place. We don't know that, okay? Maybe your sister had it wrong, maybe he wasn't from Darkstone at all -- empty words but he tries, hoping to bring some comfort regardless. He doesn't think it will work, and isn't surprised when it doesn't. He hates it. Oh, he hates that place. He looks to Gawain, expression caught somewhere between furious and heartbroken. @Mononoke lurches to her feet, before they do much -- tearing towards the entrance of her den. despite the close quarters, she doesn't quite make it to the doorway before collasping, and even before she hits the ground he is at her side. he has a thought to flop down next to her, to use his slight frame like a weighted blanket -- to help calm her body down while her mind rested. yet given the topic at hand... he does not think it'd be wise, as he knows he would not have wanted anyone to touch him. i'll be right back, he says -- mostly to gawain -- before squeezing out the front door and heading back towards the closest cache. he's scattered them throughout their section of the jungle, hoping to always have things at arm's reach -- for times just as these. he returns quickly to see gawain nuzzling her, murmuring softly to her, and his heart wrenches. momo? he calls quietly, taking up residence on her other side, bumping his nose against her shoulder, a quiet and thready purr rumbling in his throat.

code by irish

mononoke yōsei lupai

---

like fragile tiny shells, drifting in the foam

This content might touch on topics that are sensitive or triggering for some readers. Trigger Warning for mentions of DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL IDEATION, DECEASED CHILD, SELF HARM, MENTION OF SLAVERY, PANIC ATTACK

She comes to in stages, in flashes, bile in her throat but soft voices in her ears, and when her eyelids finally flutter open there is a nerve-wracking second of panic where she cannot see anything at all. It takes a long, long moment for her brain to orient itself, longer than usual, and by the time it does she's nearly hyperventilating again. Sight returns piecemeal, but eventually she can see them - @Gawain and @Elijah, comforting her all over again. Shame rises in equal proportion with her anxiety, her grief, her rage, and if she could have hidden from them she would have.

But these men would never cower from her issues, and she will not let herself cower from them either - no matter how badly she wants to pretend it all away. I'm sorry, she whispers, and immediately she cringes because she knows she shouldn't be ( what has she done wrong, after all? ) but she's ashamed of how much she's struggling. Even after talking to Elijah, of getting him through things after he'd first run into Gawain in Amaryllis - of reminding him that struggling with things doesn't make him any less.

Turns out she gives great advice, she just struggles with taking it. Slowly, she rolls herself upright, onto her belly, and carefully leans into Gawain - trying to bring Elijah better into focus. I'm having more trouble seeing than usual, she admits finally, blinking a few times in the hopes that it'll help. My eye doesn't want to focus. Everything is blurry, but she's hoping it'll get better when she starts really calming down. Her heart is still thundering, pounding away in her chest so hard she's half worried it might explode.

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"It's alright Momo, you're alright. We've got you." He stayed close at her side, prepared to catch her if she moved too quickly and fell again. Her admission that she was struggling to see concerned him. Had she hit her head? Or perhaps it was just a side effect of passing out. He trusted @Elijah to take care of it, but it still concerned him. He could feel how hard and fast her heart was beating, perhaps that was why? Or maybe it was a byproduct. He laid his head down on his paws, trying not to worry too much. Eli would fix it. He could fix anything. @Mononoke

code by irish