it's a heady feeling, something that rushes through her body spiking her adrenaline as she lopes off in the direction of the mountain towards the falls. glancing over her shoulder, she will only ascertain that @Nero is following, but she will not slow her pace until they've arrived in the safety and sanctity of the falls. skidding to a halt, she would pant, trying to catch her breath as she turns to face him, her eyes wide.

"you love me?" she asks, her words a breathy whisper, her eyes intently studying him. at least here- she could put all the issues that would stand between them away in her mind... all the issues that make this seemingly impossible. "nero..." she whispers, trailing off, feeling her chest tighten with worries and pains that she doesn't wish to tarnish this moment with.

when had she realized that she felt more for him than just a friendship - a strong friendship? when she had explained to her family what had happened to her? why had she been so hurt at the words that asteria had shared with her. they hadn't dealt with the accusations she had flung at him on that stormy night, but in this moment- as she looks to him, taking him in... that's the last thing on her mind.

the struggle will come, regardless of what they do. right now, she wishes to enjoy the moment- to enjoy the presence of him.

_{ART BY YUMPY}

He can't help the sinking feeling that he's going to ruin things before they even begin. Maybe that would be for the best, though? Maybe it would spare her grief in the long-run if he simply butchered things right then and there without giving her a chance to be happy.

But it was too late for that, wasn't it?

Nero chased after her as she guided them back to the falls. Honestly, he would have jumped over them to follow her if she had gone first. He craved her closeness and she teased him as they ran, always staying a few steps ahead as she navigated. Ghyslaine could have been leading him to his death and he would have been okay with it as long as he got to be near her when the final blow was dealt.

Eventually, he realizes they're at their destination and he slows in response to her turning to speak. "Yeah, I do. I do love you." He swallowed and began panting from the exertion, but he didn't want to wait. "I left the Sigrún. I'm not.. I'm not one of them anymore. Fuck them and the drownings." The heir stepped towards her, hoping to hold her gaze and imprint the message: I did this for you.

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There's a rapid pace to her heart, as she takes his declarations of love in. Even if somewhere, in the back of her mind... she knows that this will be a tenuous path. She is going to ignore all of that and live in the moment. "I think... I thought it was brain damage but I feel.." She trails off, unsure how to verbalize what she's thinking. She's unsure how to say it. Her heart races, she feels so light. Is this the fluttering of love within her?

The he speaks again, and his words shake her to the core. He has left the Sigrun. She blinks in shock, taking in the intense sort of look in his eyes. "You... what?" She asked. Somehow, it's like his first declaration of the day somehow discombobulated her mind. All she can manage to say is... 'waht'

"Maybe it is all brain damage." She mutters, maybe for the both of them.

@Nero

_{ART BY YUMPY}

Nero blinked, somewhat confused by her reaction but nonetheless laughing softly at it. "Brain damage? Ghys, you didn't get any brain damage." He didn't know anyone who had from the drowning, though he supposed it could very well happen. Ghyslaine certainly didn't have any, though. It would have been far more obvious if she had, so he wasn't terribly concerned about it.

She balked at his declaration. Yes, yes, he knew it was hard to understand, but without Saga he felt no reason to keep fighting a bloody battle that had nothing to do with him. "I'm not a Sigrún anymore. They don't need me, but I.. I need you, so it was an easy choice." Nero took a step closer, wanting to touch her but afraid to push too hard too fast. "I won't fight for the Sigrún and I won't fight for the Rike. I'm done. I'm out." And if they came for his head for the betrayal, so be it. He would die a free man. "Granted, I still think Alaric is the scum of the earth and I will never respect him, but I won't fight him either. Not unless it's proven that he.." Well, she knew.

"It's not brain damage, Ghys. You're real, I'm real. This is real." He extended his paw to gently touch hers, trying to bring her back down from the stars.

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He rebukes her claims of brain damage, and she shakes her head slightly, smiling at him. She still wasn't totally convinced that something wasn't wrong with her- because with him she felt so weird... but she had to admit away from him, when she wasn't thinking about him... she felt normal?

His following words bring her great pause.

"You're... staying neutral between the families?" She questions- a grin forming. "You... you need me?" Was she so daft that she couldn't believe him without making him repeat it, yes- today she was.

"I never wanted you to stop being who you are... even if I don't think I can ever agree to the Sigrun ideals." She says softly, a protest, as she steps closer to him. "But I can't .... I can't deny what I feel for you. Even if it is very confusing, and scary." She looks up at him desperately. "I think I've been in love with you for a while now. I think... I think that's why what I learned from that lioness upset me so much- to think you would have ever... lied- to me." She admits, words coming out in a rush. "But I attacked you- I was going to beat you with a stick!" She says. "Nero... I think you deserve someone much better than me, but dammit... I want to be selfish and tell you to never leave my side."

Even though that wasn't plausible. They both served different prides- and she wouldn't leave hers... and she would never ask him to leave his. Ahh, so many difficulties. A soft chuckle... "Then I walked out into an ocean, and great skies... I'm high maintenance aren't I?" She trails off.

_{ART BY YUMPY}

His stomach was turning sour as the conversation progressed. Of course he wanted to have the chat, but he also desperately did not want to have the chat. Now was when things either came together or horrifically fell apart at his feet, and Nero knew which was more likely. He'd gotten lucky with Nazonal. There was no way he would be as fortunate with Ghys.

"Yeah, I do. You saved me and.. I just can't really imagine my life without you." And that was where he paused, looking guiltily at the ground and ashamed of who he was. Of course she had never asked him to be anything different than what he was, but that's why he'd done it. He would gladly give up everything for her, but was it fair?

He swallowed. Hard.

"I can make you hate me in an instant," he mumbled, hanging his head. "Because there's.. how I grew up, and now it's conflicting with everything, and.." He frowned. "There's another lion. Nazonal. She.. she loves me and I love her, even if it's not.. like what I feel for you exactly. I mean, it's love, but it's.. shit, I don't know." Nero wanted to sit down and start crying like a baby, but he wouldn't grant himself that option. This wasn't about him, it was about her and the fact he was just a piece of shit.

"You deserve better than me, Ghys. I've only ever known polyamory in my life and even if.. like I know for a fact there is no one else but you and Naz, it.. it's not what you deserve." He sucked in a breath and let his ears flatten against his head. "But I want to be with you. More than anything." Nero stepped towards her and extended his muzzle, attempting to brush his lips across her cheek.

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Ghyslaine

In her mind, he doesn't deserve her- she who would have believed a stranger instead of him. She who would have beaten him with a stick! But his words melt that resolve within her, and she studies him in silence for a few moments. She nods, accepting his words about deserving her- about choosing her.

What did he mean that she had saved him? He had saved her life, rather literally- she opens her mouth to protest- yet he verbally marches on- talking more. She listens to him, because that is all she can truly do- but...

Then he went on, and something within her froze- as if instinctually, she knew that this happy euphoric place they were in was going to come crashing down. "Don't." She whispers, but perhaps the word is merely whispered in his mind, because... he speaks. She should have screamed it- shoved him to stop him. Resumed their fight... something- anything. But it is too late.

There was another. Another... Nazonal. A name to the other that he loved. the other that he loved.

Something in her was screaming, roaring to be set free- and she felt as if there were a paw wrapped tightly around her heart. Nausea churned in her gut. Make this make sense

How could any lion love two at the same time?

It wasn't that she had never heard of multiple lionesses to one lion.. but it was never a life she had dreamed up for herself. It wasn't...

She swallows, the rest of his words, becoming a roaring sound in her ears, and suddenly his muzzle is pressed against her cheek.

This touch though, feels different- and she stares at him in shock- confused by the very idea of this. Confused as to what she should do, say, as he touches her- she feels like she is breaking in half.

To come so close to love, only to have it yanked away...

How could he love them both?!

Her eyes shudder close, and she wants nothing more than to lean into his touch - to savor the moment but...

When she had met her best friend, he had talked about wanting a kingdom with many lionesses but that was a dream he had let go of for his one true love- and wasn't that what she wanted? Someone who valued her above all else- except maybe their future children?

Could she ask him to forgo this Nazonal?

A deep shuddering breath left her in an exhale, as she finally felt herself slipping back into her body again, her eyes seeking his. She wanted him. She loved him... Nero was.... he could be it for her.

And yet...

"I would never ask you to change, Nero." She whispers, pressing her muzzle against his, savoring the feel of him and how he smells.

"But I don't think I can change either... and I don't want to share you." The admission leaves her, as tears prick her vision. I don't deserve to have to share you. The thought is unbidden, and she trembles. "I don't think your way of life is wrong... this polyamory... but it isn't for me."

It is a shaking admission that leaves her, her body quivering as she stands there. She wants nothing more than to throw herself into him, and take him down to the earth where she can savor the closeness of their bodies but this... this?

But I love you, I love you, I love you.

How could she love someone so much that the only way she believed they could all be happy is if she stepped back and away? This Nazonal deserved all of Nero and if Ghyslaine was to fault, it was that she had not declared her intentions and feelings for the male sooner. Not, that she really knew them. Not only did Ghyslaine not wish to share him... but what if they ever had cubs? How would children fair between such a relationship? While she were too kind to denounce them all... it just... wasn't for her. Even if telling him that broke her in a way she had never experienced before.

As if it is the most painful thing in the world, she steps back from him, her tail lowered to the earth, the pain she feels visible in her gaze and the streaks of moisture running down her face. As her tail brushes the ground, she stares at him hopelessly.

The closest she had ever come to love... only to have fate snatch it away from her- in such a way. The closest to that level of happiness only for her to have to deny it. To walk away- to follow her own morals?

"Nazonal deserves all of you." She says softly, urging him to realize this. No lioness should have to share the affections of their lover- at least not in her mind. "She.... they... I don't even know who they are really... but... they told you first." She admits. "Before I even knew what I felt."

Her heart is thundering in her chest, but this isn't the elevation of new-found love- this is the breaking of ones heart. The first heart-break she has ever experienced. Had she known the cost of the pain, perhaps she never would have even tried? Because this- this felt as if someone were flaying her alive. As if she would never again be whole- never again be happy. Never again understand anything but this soul crushing pain.

"I love you, Nero. I only want you to be happy, and I will never ask you to change." She says, taking in a shaky breath... "But I can't... I can't... do this." She seeks to meet his gaze, fighting the urge to go to him, to press her face into his neck. She is so tempted to ask him for one night- one time of having him fully... but even that feels as if it is too much to ask. As if it would damn them both.

1055 words of heartbreak

_{art by yumpy}

This content might touch on topics that are sensitive or triggering for some readers. Trigger Warning for mentions of stress-induced seizures

No.

No, no, no.

No.

He destroyed her. He could see it plain as day in her eyes that he had ruined it, ruined her, ruined whatever rested between them unspoken until just then. Was it more cruel of him to have waited so long, or was it worse that he had spoken it at all? He knew what his heart wanted, but she was slipping away from him. Worse than that, it made him realize that his love for Nazonal wasn’t.. wasn’t what he thought it was. It couldn’t be, could it? He adored her. Loved her. He wanted to cuddle with her and touch her, but Ghyslaine set him ablaze. His claws dug into the ground to anchor him, as though he might simply collapse from her words. Each one broke his heart just that much more.

There was a familiar tingling sensation at the base of his skull, but he didn’t pay it any attention at the moment.

“You don’t need to ask me to change.” Nero frowned, taking a hesitant step towards her as she retreated. That stung the most, he thought. More than her rejecting him, it was seeing her recoil away like he was a snake that had just bitten her; and at the end of the day, he was a snake. He poisoned everything he touched, and now the one thing he wanted the most was behaving like he was the scum of the earth. His ears wilted against his head as she went on, saying Nazonal deserved all of him. It wasn’t possible for him to give all of himself to them when his heart ached for Ghyslaine, and wouldn’t it be a lie to act like he didn’t have feelings for anyone else? Neither of them wanted to share him, but Nazonal had agreed to try. For him. Ghyslaine wouldn’t, and he wondered why things had gone the way they did. Why couldn’t they be easy? Just once?

The tingling grew to burning, lighting every fiber of his being on fire. Nero didn’t care.

She wanted him to be happy, but she didn’t seem to understand that she was a vital part in all of it. “I can’t give Nazonal all of me when all my heart wants is you,” he protested, letting his eyelids fall closed for a few moments. “You don’t understand, Ghys. I.. I love Naz, but I can’t be.. what she wants me to be. So what if they told me first? I have loved you since the day you came to meet me and talk about the Sigrun.” The lion trailed off, sucking in a breath. “I just.. I never thought you would feel the same. You’re so fucking beautiful. You’re so compassionate and tender and just.. fuck, you’re the best lion I’ve ever met. I want to be yours and yours alone, Ghys. I don’t want polygamy and I don’t want the Sigrun if it means I can have you, because you’re the best thing that’s ever walked into my life and I would rather die than exist knowing you were out there with someone else.”

There was a wave of nausea and, finally, the gentle rolling of his eyes.

“H-hang on, Ghys, give me a m- a minute. I need to sit d-dow..”

Too late.

In the same fashion as when he had witnessed Saga’s death match, Nero crumpled as his body lost consciousness and he plunged into the depths of nothingness. His body was at the mercy of the convulsions, but it was strange this time.

It almost felt like he was falling. But if he was falling, that meant he had gone off the edge somehow?

And when he finally slammed into the water below, Nero wasn’t aware of it. He felt nothing but every piece of him being set on fire, a strangely similar sensation to what his heart felt at the possibility of losing Ghyslaine.

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it was almost cruel how the pain cleaved its way into her heart- the once proud organ failing as if it were made of crystal. each breath seared through her lungs, as her throat seemed to constrict, and the urge to sob grew. truly, all she wanted was to race home and bury her face into her friends- to somehow alleviate her pain by sharing what had happened with them. would they think that she were foolish? perhaps all along, this love had been cosmically doomed. a sigrun and a former mire lioness- who's love for the mire king ran deep, because he was her friend. perhaps it was always doomed.

when nero speaks, her tears do not cease from the rivers of pain that wash down her face, if anything, the sobs finally break free past the damn of restriction she had on herself, and she cannot help the terrible sounds that leave her.

this is too much.

he speaks, stating that he doesn't want this nazonal if he can't have her too- and she feels a different feeling stirring in her chest, a sort of resentment towards the existence of this other being. if they didn't exist... if they hadn't declared themselves for nero... none of this pain would be happening. she wants to blame them.

but is it truly their fault?

the two of them just happened to love the same male.

perhaps it is his declaration and the desperation there that he would rather die than to know she were with someone else... that makes her look at him differently. maybe that is when she wonders- does she love him more than he loves her?

at no point in these thoughts, did she wish for death instead of loving him- though she resents the presence of the other in his life... even them she cannot hate. loving nero, comes as simple to her as breathing- and without her breathing.... she couldn't love him.

"I would never want you to chan-"

His words, his plea to sit down cut her off, and her eyes widen fractionally- then he crumpled.

He was close too close to the edge of the waterfall.

No The words are a silent roar erupting from her, as she watches him fall- his paws not reaching to grab himself, as if he is gone. no longer present in his body.

------
she races to the edge of the falls, only to see his albino body falling and fading into the waters below.

her heart stops.

her mind roars in a silent demand of fate that this cannot be happening.

the world slows- and for a moment, she is paralyzed by terror.

_{ART BY YUMPY}

This content might touch on topics that are sensitive or triggering for some readers. Trigger Warning for mentions of suicide

The darkness was a world without Ghyslaine.

Without Nazonal.

Without Alizabeth.

Without Saga.

Without Asteria and Hiccup.

Without his mother, his father, the siblings he had never gotten a chance to know.

It was empty. A void. Nero could scream all he wanted, but no one could hear him. He could thrash inside his mind and bring life back into his limbs, but there was no point in trying as the convulsions made short work of him. He had never wanted to know what it was like to be on fire, but now he knew; and he didn’t wish it on his worst enemy. Nero was powerless to do anything until his body simply willed it to be, and so he sank as a swirling cloud of crimson stained the water around him. It was horrible to be conscious and aware when you drowned, but this wasn’t the first time he had died beneath the waves.

He just knew it would be the last.

And then he felt his toes wiggle as the seizure gradually loosened its hold, and he pushed off the bottom of the lake with all his might. Exhausted as he was, disoriented as he was, heartbroken as he was, Nero considered simply staying in the watery grave. Let them all go on living without him because it would be better that way. It would hurt for a while and then it would heal, and Ghys and Nazonal would be happier on the other side having experienced the loss. There would be no guilt on either of them if he simply died and removed himself from the equation, and honestly? At two years old, having endured what he did? Nero was tired. He was so, so tired. There was simply nothing left in him.

It must have been instinct that drove him back to the surface, because try as he might, there was simply no way to drown once he was conscious. His body fought against his weariness and forced him onto the shore in a bloodied white heap, but Nero didn’t bother to move. Everything hurt, physically and emotionally, and he just wanted to lay there and cry softly while his body struggled with the exhaustion from what it had just endured. He trembled slightly, but whether or not that was from the attack or simply his tears, Nero didn’t know. It didn’t matter.

It all hurt the same.

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