Amara glanced around at the melting snow. Things were warming up and it was a blessing. While she and the cubs had spent months living in the north her pain had made her numb to the cold. Unwilling to give into it but willing to die in it. It seemed like ages ago that they were there. The choice to come back here had not been without major fucking mess-ups. How many times she had desired to just turn around and head back into the tundra but here she was. She huffed slightly as she laid out in the sun and cast a gentle gaze out over the lands that day by day felt closer to home than she had known in a long time.

code by corvus | art by BETHIA

Returning from a quick sweep of the borders was when he caught sight of @Amara. Wondering if he should go get a quick catch up from her and see what was going on with her, the kids as well as the pride as of late. He didn't much mingle into the gossip and the social structure of the pride but he helped out when he was able to. It was just far easier to keep to himself sometimes than to put himself into a position of attention. So he made an effort and chuffed towards her, gravitating at a leisurely pace towards her in an effort to, well, make an effort. In the very least, he was curious what more she might want from him or expect of him. Cassine wasn't yet the High Sovereign of the Bluffs which he knew had, at one point, been the intention. Not that he was complaining seeing as it was entirely up to his sister and was happy to follow whatever she wanted.

_{© LARS}

She started to groom herself as she rested, taking in the moment of peace that seemed to be gifted to her. The call of @Mithros causes her to pause for a moment as she looked toward him. Once she was content that he was in trouble she went back to her grooming and waited for him to settle in. She hadn't spent nearly as much time with him as she had with his sister and brother and yet, she felt that he had slipped into things better than Haz did. It was strange for her but she didn't question it. At the end of the day, she wasn't any of their mother and she could only give them so much. Her gaze looked toward him as she waited. If he wished to sit with her in silence she was willing to do that or if there was something weighing on his mind she left things open for him to decide what their time together would mean.

code by corvus | art by BETHIA

Truth was that he did not know what to do with himself. Most days he spent it doing what he felt he was expected to do. Patrol the borders, wander the Passage in the hopes of a new recruit and try his best to keep up to date with the latest changes in both pride and Amaryllis as a whole. Some parts of it he wasn't very good at but he continued to at least put on the act like he knew what he was doing. @Amara made him both happy and frustrated at the same time. That dark voice in back of his head screaming you're not my mama but there's was the softer, more angelic voice that told him that she was the closest thing he had to one. That, perhaps, made him even angrier.

Still, he wanted to know that what he was doing was good or it was bad. So Mithros came to her and took a eat beside her and gazed forward in quiet, reflective silence for a few minutes. Finding that his jaw clenched every so often as he struggled with what he could even say. Why had he wanted to join her? He couldn't remember. Eventually he stuck his tongue to the rough of his mouth and exhaled. What more can I do? he asked, not looking anywhere except forward. He was good at taking orders and wanted to be told what was expected of him and maybe, just maybe, he'd be happy with a you've done good, my boy thrown into the mix. Even if it was just a vibe that he got, he'd take it.

table by sentinel

She waited on him. Waiting to see what he was going to do with their time. For a long moment, she wasn't sure that anything would and was content that their time would be in silence. It wasn't until she caught the slight movement in his jaw that she knew that he was struggling with something he wanted to say. She figured he was trying to find a way to leave the pride. It was a family trait it seemed like and Amara didn't have much in the way to keep him here if he really wanted to go. His question finally came and she looked toward him, her gaze steady but not as harsh as it was toward most. The slightest undertone of warmth in them. Do you feel that you should be doing more? Amara had plenty she could have him do but that wasn't what he was asking here. He wasn't asking for orders and so she would see what he could come up with. Someday she wouldn't be there and he would have to figure life out on his own.

code by corvus | art by BETHIA

Most every day he always felt like he struggled to find the words necessary to express how he felt. @Amara had always been quite nice to be around but there was also the air of authority that made her feel like a mother, too. A title that he wasn't willing to bestow upon her and one that made him want to curl his lips in protest. Occasionally he thought the idea of simply leaving was profitable but his place was wherever his sister was. They might not be as close lately but she was still his priority regardless. I do. He offers in short, clipped words. Recognizing that he had likely made the right decision by coming to her about his situation. That if anyone could help him find some sort of path forward that it would be Amara. Everyone else seems "happy".. he didn't like the word he had used because he didn't want to be happy all the time but he at least wanted to feel as though he was in the right place. Some days were better than others but he hadn't yet equated that to the individuals that he was around on the days that weren't awful.

table by sentinel

Amara looked him over as he seemed to be pondering things before answering. At least he was aware that he needed to be doing more. Amara had long ago crossed the line between aunt and mother she felt like. When she had the yearling eat their first lion, there was a line crossed and Amara had no way back no matter what they thought or what she put forward. Happy? She tilted her head as she tried to fully understand what that would mean. What does happy look like to you? Did he think she was happy? Did she even know what it was to be happy? She thought maybe she had a glimpse with her husband but that was slammed shut on her and not even something she could think of anymore. Maybe the others were happy and she was able to give them the space to be happy and to grow, that would work for her and make all this worth it.

code by corvus | art by BETHIA

The question returned to him quite frankly stunned him for a solid half a minute. A phrase that he had not been prepared for nor had an answer for in the time it took to wrap his head around the question. So, of course, he stared at @Amara and took in a deep breath. The gears inside of his head desperately trying to gather data and rust was more than likely floating out his ears. Comfortable, confident... everything I'm not. There. It was the most honest truth that he could give anyone and it broke him to push it out of his mouth. Shoulders slumping dramatically as he snorted air through his nose. Just... tell me something to do and I'll do it. He didn't think he was good enough for anything and the small times that he did feel confident in himself, it got blown away in the wind seconds after. Maybe he'd gotten it all wrong and happiness didn't exist or maybe his version of happiness was different from everyone else's. Who actually knew what the meaning of life was, anyways?

table by sentinel