Gawain was completely swept up in the moment, but when Naz fell off of him, he grew suddenly serious. He sat up, brows knitted in concern, worried he'd done something wrong.

"Hey, are you alright?" His voice was soft, concerned. It truth, he didn't know all that much about what had happened to them in darkstone, just that if he didn't get her out he wouldn't have another chance. Had he said something that had triggered something?

He nuzzle her side, then attempted to pull her close to snuggle. "What's the matter?" It wasn't like her to back down from a play fight like this.

@Nazonal

CODE BY LARS & ART BY MOG

They didn't verbally respond right away, instead physically responding to his snuggles by pressing themself as close to his comforting dark body as they could. Momentarily their face, bright eyes, little teeth nubs, all disappeared into his pelt. She inhaled, exhaled a few times in a long and drawn out rhythm. You know how when you're fighting you can see a few steps ahead? Your body knows what it's going to have to do? Instinct, programming, training. Fighting and hunting both illicit that sort of natural and effortless grace.

They pulled themself out of @Gawain, left their head hanging down and fixated their eyes on Gawain's big paws. I can see what I'm supposed to do but when I'm supposed to go for a kill something stops me. In play, in hunting, it felt like they hit a wall every time without way to emerge through on the other side.

He waited patiently as she calmed herself- just grooming her as she kept her face snuggled into his fluff. Soon, she pulled away, but she wouldn't look at him. That was even more concerning.

He listened quietly to her concerns, but didn't really understand why it was affecting them so strongly. "Well that's alright Naz, it's okay. You don't have to kill anybody. And you can come on hunts with me, I'll make sure you don't have to kill it."

He lifted his paw and attempted to lift their chin so that thwy were looking at him again. "I'm sure our monkey friends won't complain about that, huh?" He gave her an encouraging smile, hoping to cheer her up.

@Nazonal

CODE BY LARS & ART BY MOG

She grumbled and weakly pressed her paw against Gawain as if to shove him away but the attempt was half hearted at best. They couldn't hold it up and just as quickly were back to snuggling against him. But what sort of a fighter can I ever be if I can't? Nazonal pleaded, dejected and abnormally not holding any belief in the reassurance that @Gawain offered to them. It wasn't all that often that Darkstone's influences held tight to any part of the young lion. They'd gotten out early, they'd had the best influences that they could since then in their father and Elijah both. But a bit of that horrid place did raise its head up, did seem to hold just a bit of them still captive in ways not literal or able to be seen.

Gawain sighed softly and went back to just cuddling her, cursing himself a bit for not considering these sorts of things more in her upbringing. But he'd never raised a cub, how could he have known?

"Oh baby, you don't have to kill anyone to be a great fighter." He started to say that he had never killed anyone, but he stopped himself, realizing it wasn't true. But yearling him hadn't been the best influence.

"My love, situations in which it is kill or be killed are incredibly rare in the real world. I've only seen two outside of darkstone in my life." Nevermind that those two were nearly on their doorstep and at the same time. It had been an outlying situation. It had been a war. "How much do you remember from before I got you, sweetheart?" He'd had her now longer than she'd been there, but clearly it still had some sort of hold on her.

@Nazonal

CODE BY LARS & ART BY MOG

How much they remembered was complicated. Youthful memories did end up fading with time, and some bits of their past Nazonal's mind hid away for their own wellbeing. While looking a bit somber, but concentrating, they eventually answered their father's question. "I remember feelings more than anything. I remember I loved to tussle, I was never afraid to get into a fight with the other cubs. They were proud to see that. I remember how mad they'd get when I'd stop myself from going too far." There wouldn't be much telling how patient they'd have been with Naz as time went on, if Gawain hadn't gotten her away when he did. Maybe they'd have unlocked something... or maybe they'd have destroyed the young child in the process. But their bitter looks, condemnation, that stuck with Naz even still.

I remember how mad they'd get when I stopped myself from going too far.

He'd hoped they wouldn't remember that. That he'd gotten her out in time, that he'd had time to wipe away those memories in favor of healthy play, but at least they didn't seem to remember everything that happened.

"Stopping yourself from going too far is a good thing, baby. That's self control, it's often a hard skill to learn."

He sighed softly. He remembered how she'd thought it was a training exercise when he took her, how she'd told him they wanted to stay with him instead of going back.

They were a year old, that was old enough to know at least some of the truth. "They wanted to train you to be an elite, to kill without remorse. And I'm really, really proud of you for not becoming that. You're a good kid, Naz, and you're growing up to be an incredible lion."

@Nazonal

CODE BY LARS & ART BY MOG

Good thing? Naz looked downright confused by those words. They flew directly into the face of what Darkstone had tried to hammer into her. Lessons since their escape had been more subtle, and Naz had picked up a lot from Gawain that naturally countered what had tried to been taught to them. This was a much more direct confrontation and they frowned a bit with the struggle. I know... I know. Nothing Darkstone taught could be good right? If only that was so simple and the disappointment she innately felt could be whisked away by one wave of Gawain's paw.

Gawain explained a little more and Naz found themself clinging tighter onto him with each passing word. But especially when he said he was proud of them. Somewhere in her snuggling she sniffled back a tear and wiped her face all over Gawain's pelt. Thank you for not leaving me there.

Gawain kissed the top of their head as they snuggled close. He wished he'd taken the time to carefully discover and dismantle all the things they had taught the cub, instead of assuming that a good influence and kindness would be enough.

Oh well, no time like the present.

Her thanks melted his heart, and for a moment, he wasn't even sure what to say. "You're my kid, baby. I've got you, for as long as I'm here."

Because both of them knew enough about mortality to know that he wouldn't be here forever.

"If you ever have questions, concerns, moral delimmas, anything of the sort, you can always come talk to me. Unlearning the things they tried to program into you can't be easy, and I'm sorry I wasn't more proactive about that sooner." He thought for a moment, then added, "Or Eli or Momo. We're all here for you, we all love you."

@Nazonal

CODE BY LARS & ART BY MOG

They were his. It meant more to them than could be expressed. Any lost and forlorn child could do with a parent like Gawain but where would one like Nazonal be without him? She needed that reassurance and she needed to belong to something like the family he'd built up. It made the transition out of Darkstone easier. In Darkstone you belonged to something- not always a good something but you had your place and purpose. Gawain gave that to her still, most of what she'd stood to lose was so quickly replaced with something better and warmer.

Can we go home? Naz asked with a tilt of her head, their face quieter than was normal for her but calm and at peace. And maybe clean up a bit first. They added with a little laugh, lifting their forelimb to wipe off some of the mud from Gawain's chest and mane.

/exit?