He doesn't know how much time he spends looking at the stone. Seconds or hours, it feels the same. Under Elodie's gentle gaze, her soft furs wrapped around his sides, her scent filling every space in his head, he is... Calmer, able to allow his attention to drift in and out.

Breathe in.

The gentle command brings attention to his body, the movement of his chest as his lungs inflate, the stretch of his skin and pull of muscle. Peregrine sighs softly as he floats slowly back into his body. As if he'd not been inside it before. When he looks up, Elodie's paw hovers just inches from his face. Without thought he leans into it, desperate for the contact, eyes fluttering closed.

It feels like waking up after a nightmare.

He breathes out. Then in. His heart begins to slow. He didn't notice how fast and hard it had been beating before.

"Dee?" He whispers, even though she is right there, he can feel her. If he opened his eyes he could see her.

But he doesn't want to. He doesn't want her to see.

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he exhaled, leaned into her hand, closed his eyes - and relief flooded her at the touch. maybe she had also needed it. she could not look away, wayching as he knit his brows together, said her name so softly, still hiding in her palm. she traced her thumb over his nearest exposed fang, so gently.

"i've got you," she whispered, almost entranced herself. everything had slowed.

she pushed her other paw back into his chest, searching for his heartbeat, and rested her forehead against his, letting her own eyes close for a moment.

breathe in. breathe out.

"...do you need to talk about it?" if it was possible to whisper even quieter still, this was it - shared breaths only fractions away from eachother, eyes still closed, anchored into the soft intimacy of their shared warmth in her small den.

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Peregrine holds the stone so tightly it might hurt, but he can't feel the pain. Elodie presses close, her soft touch driving a shiver down his spine as it brushes his tooth. His head tilts upward, without even seeing her knowing to adjust for her forehead against his.

She does have him. He never felt more steady. Even when he's angry, when she confuses him, when she hurts him. Elodie just makes sense.

Nothing else does.

It shouldn't surprise him that she knows something is wrong, that he isn't right, isn't himself. Layers of protective barriers could not keep her out. As easily as she sees through them, to the shattered creature inside, she puts him back together.

"He's -" Peregrine tries, but just the idea of saying it makes the world spin. "No." What does it matter? He won't make the same mistake twice, he'll avoid the jungle if he has to.

"Just -" His mouth still feels dry and gross. Talking is exhausting, a bizarre idea for a boy that many would wager could talk underwater. "Mm." The soft grumble comes as Penn reaches up, using his empty paw to sullenly, silently tug Elodie down to her bed.

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for a second, he tries. peregrine mentions a he and it's unclear who - but it doesn't really matter to her in so much as it only matters because it matters to him.

she took her hand from his chest, and stroked the hair gently back from his forehead.

"it's okay if you don't-"

@Peregrine pulled her down, though, into him - and there was no fight in her for this. she rolled easily to his side, squished between him and the wall, furs spilling out beneath them, and she laughed in a single quiet huff as he moved her like a ragdoll.

"we can try something easier." she dared to kiss his cheek, and murmured into his skin, "what's my name?" another kiss to his temple, "think of something blue." another to the side of his muzzle, "count to five." there was a playful shine to her mismatched gaze, but she did mean it. they were easy requests. she put her lips against his throat, parted softly against his pulse, resting there to feel its rhythm. "tell me anything you want," but this time it was more sincere - truly, anything. what had upset him, or what he dreamt of last night, or what he had for breakfast. she was there for all of it.

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She puts up no resistance, falling easily against him, tucked safely in the furs of her bed. They could stay like this, he thinks, and he’d not get bored. He’d be content. The outside world has nothing for him in it.

@Elodie leans up, lips brushing his cheek, and Peregrine’s brain short-circuits. Cue Windows booting up noise. Then she has the audacity to start asking him questions, peppering soft kisses across his face, as if he’s capable of thinking while she does that. But, strangely, it works. Forced to try to focus past her touch, he has no capacity to linger on the darker thoughts, the ones driving whatever is wrong with him.

"I don’t have a concussion, Elodie." He laughs, soft, low in his throat. But he sobers slowly, her last command taking over his mind. Peregrine makes a low, thoughtful noise, but there’s nothing thoughtful or planned in what he says next.

"Let’s run away."

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the sound he made in his throat, her lips right there against his pulse, stirred a familiar hunger - and for a second it was easy to think about taking a gentle bite, or dragging the sandpaper of her tongue across his neck-

"lets run away."

"yeah, to your jungle?" she murmured against him, and then paused.

she withdrew a little, suddenly, to meet his eyes - to gauge how serious he was.

"...or out of amaryllis?" she had visions of her mother and brother, wherever they had made a home. her idea of outside-amaryllis flip flopped wildly between "idyllic forests" and "desolate wastelands". her throat went a little dry, and she laughed nervously.

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No, no, the jungle isn’t safe anymore. It isn’t home, like he’d wanted it to be. It’s infected with his past, something he wants to run away from entirely. But he can’t say that - he can’t explain why. But that’s okay, because they can just leave here. They can just -

She laughs, softly. Nervously.

"Nah," he grins quickly, "I was joking."

It was just a joke.

@Elodie is pressed close, warm and soft and sweet. It makes the disappointment easier to swallow. She wouldn’t run away with him - why would she? What reason would she have, when her life here is good? She doesn’t have to run. He does.

But he can’t.

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she frowned - for just a fraction of a second - and then burrowed her face back into his mane, swathes of inky hair concealing whatever expression painted itself onto her face.

the urge to tell him he was loved rose in her chest and was strangled by her throat.

"then lets stay here," she tried, muffled by him, before pulling back - capable, now, of using her face properly. "just for now. you can stay here, with me."

do you want to play pretend?

she pressed a tender kiss to the side of his mouth, questioning.

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In the morning, he’ll be gone. There will be a war, there will be bloodshed in the snow. There won’t be another night together, not like this. More and more, the world and his choices will pull them apart. Peregrine doesn’t know any of that, however. He thinks his biggest problem is outside, not here in this den with @Elodie.

Just for now, he wants to be here. He wants to pretend he belongs here and out anywhere else.

"Yeah," he murmurs, leaning down and pressing into the soft, plush fur of her neck.

It’s not like last time, or even their first time. They aren’t drunk and they aren’t angry with each other. Peregrine is still raw, still desperate for her touch, desperate to chase the lingering shadows away and willing to pretend that maybe she needs him as much as he needs her.

Just for now.

Fade & exit.

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they could be okay. he is warm, and outside it is cold, and the barest hint of moonlight spills across his face from the high up gaps in her rooted den, and she thinks for a moment they could be okay.

a purr formed deep in her chest as he moved into her, and she had to hold it back. i love you. she wasn't supposed to say it, no matter how full to the brim she was beneath him, safe and held - stay with me you're safe here i don't care what we said before i love you-

"peregrine, i-" she gasped softly, her hands at his face, so gentle -

perhaps she was barely audible. or maybe he wasn't listening anymore, and only wanted the comfort of her body. but he swallowed her whispers easily with a kiss, and this was the peregrine from the willows in the fields, except lucid and awake and intentional and slow.

she wanted to say it. she tried to form the 'l' shape behind her teeth. she was losing herself to his movements, his lips against her neck, the blood pooling in an animal part of her brain.

frustration spiked - and she sighed into his touch, accepting defeat.

maybe she'd say it next time.

fade/exit.

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