The air was soft against his cheeks as he faced away. 'And if this is an infatuation? A passing fancy of two lonely souls?' he shook his head against his chest, his chin gently rubbing against the hairs there before he whispered.
"To me, it's not just infatuation...I am not some horny teenager that has seen the first woman in the heat...to me what I feel is more than just infatuation..I want to see and know the good and bad parts of you, of us" he looked down. When she spoke about the ocean carrying one out adrift, he shook his head again. So what if the tides pulled him away? What he if WANTED that? What if he wanted that feeling of someone needing him? Wanting HIM for who HE was? And the same for him to want HER that way?
He shifted looking back over his shoulder but never met her eyes, at first, as he took a deep breath through his nose.
"So? What if I want the tides to take me away? To submerge me within her arms? What if I want the coolness of its waters to envelope me like a blanket?" he paused to look at her a moment.
"What if I want to be lost at sea?" he asked her before turning his head to look back at the waves.
"I want...to feel needed by someone just as I want to need someone else. And I feel that with you...I feel like....my soul is pulling myself to you not out of need or necessity but because I truly feel that I want to become lost deeply about you." he meant it in a good way. Vasilis wanted that feeling of looking into someone's eyes and feel as though they were sucking him in and taking him on a paradisial drive through some sort of wild connection.
Vasilis could feel that she was slipping away, that she was becoming afraid of his words. And he didn't want that. So he faced away, moved away, and gave her the space she needed. His heart though didn't like that and suddenly felt so alive that it was jumping erratically around inside his chest. He felt the tingling of his skin growing goosebumps, the way his hair felt statically charged yet again along his nape and arms. He was doing his best to keep his breathing in check so he didn't seem weird, his eyes cast down into the water as his paw lifted up to grab some sand. She was quite behind him but he didn't have the heart to look at her yet. What if she was second-guessing himself? What if she was gone? Jewel spoke about how her opponent also had a family to protect and the same desire.
"Yes, but isn't that often the role of one challenging to claim a home? Because they have a family or SOMEONE to protect and shelter? And you won, but there's no way we don't know that he didn't go someone else and tried again or simply found a vacancy somewhere else and joined them until he could find the best place for his family. What was done is done, you won you made a place for you and your family. He left and went to do the same elsewhere. You don't need to harp on your actions because what you did was right...it was okay...it was needed. And you won fair and square against them." he tells her with a nod. A look of saying 'you did well, you deserve every bit of work and title you gained.' which she DID deserve and all the more!!
His head drooped down farther on his chest, his chin rubbing against the thickest parts of his mane as he looked solemnly at the faded reflection of himself in the damp sand. He felt blindsided by his own heart and mind as he felt like he had done something wrong but he felt it was the right thing to do. When she was still remaining silent his ears drooped for a moment 'she must have gone...' she had to of, right? But then a subtle sloshing sound made his ears perked in reaction. The tiny thump of them turning to the back of his head to listen. Was that her or someone else to ask why he was alone on the beach? 'You can't know that... You can't know what the next few years... even the next few hours will bring... Don't...make a promise you can't keep, Diuris..Don't.. make promises based on a fleeting feeling of today when tomorrow it may not be the same.' He turned to look over his shoulder yet again, his cheek resting on his arm as he looked longly across the beach before looking at her from his seat facing the ocean tides. Vasilis swallowed, his nose sniffling a moment as he took the time to reply to her.
"No one knows what the future holds..no one knows anything until it happens Jewel.." he tells her.
"And I will promise what I feel is right. And by no means are they fleeting or momentary. They are as real as the burning sun on a hot summer day. As real as the shells stuck under the waves before our paws." She was silent again, moved away from him - again. His ears floated away from his mane and nearly hid deep inside the depths of his tendrils.
He looked at his shadows, his reflection in the passing waves that came so close yet so far from him. His eyes glanced so far into the distance that he felt as if he was zoned out. She was silent, she seemed to be debating everything. Debating what they had, or could be having. His brows pushed against his eyelids, making them feel heavy and yet again as if something would come spilling out from his heart. He knew she had her own things to worry about, she had the cove - her cubs and others now to protect. Was he even someone who would have space in her heart? Was he someone worthy of that space to begin with? He was no one, with no family, no rank no power. He was just.....here. Taking a shuttering deep breath he felt his body slump over himself again, the ache in his back starting to float and tingle down his spine as he waited in more silence yet again. She had to have left him by now right? Surely enough it was too silent. But he didn't dare to look back behind him. ' I can't even promise you a secure and safe life!' her words snapped him out of his echoing darkness. He looked back at her in a panic just for a moment, his eyes glassy as he took a breath that shook his chest.
"no that is not true! Don't say that. You don't need to worry about giving me a secure life or a safe one for that matter. That is MY job to do. If I can't make my OWN life safe and secure then I don't deserve to be walking on this planet!" he tells her shaking his head quickly.
"And who needs forever? Like I said life throws everything at you, and like you said who knows what tomorrow or tonight shall bring? If I am here on this planet with you for years then that is what I will graciously take! If I am here for only two years with you I will take each day as if it was my last and enjoy what splendor I can with you. If I don't pass away until I am old and feeble then so be it. But regardless of my time here with you, I will take it as if it was the first moment my eyes saw you, I will cherish you the same way each and every day, I will go to sleep thinking of you each night with a smile on my face. Nothing could change that!" he tells her frantically to prove his meaning to her.
'I don't know whether what I feel is real... whether it's a desire for more.. I don't know if it's anything that will last.' yes that made him sad but at the same time, he was fine with that. He looked up with a smile, his forehead creasing a moment as he hummed.
"no see that is okay. If you believe that what YOU feel is something that is making you desire to know more just for that moment in time - then I am okay with that. If even it becomes my silly one-sided affection and your momentary one, It won't change how I feel." he paused
"Because when I am with you even if it's forever or just for now...I'll give you my everything Jewel.." Vasilis looked at her then. He felt as if the tears were falling against his cheeks when she spoke her next words 'You make me wish that I had been born different ' no, he didn't want her to be born differently or wish that she was. Even if she was born differently his heart would still pick her out of a thousand faces.
"Even if that were to be true and you could go back in time and fix that part of your past. I would still find you in a crowded place and my heart would still feel the way it does. I would still seek you out, to learn about you and you about me. I would cherish you all the more.." he said nervously laughing.
'You would need to come and go - I can't tie you down and I won't be able to. You want to be here.. but you also want to be out there. What changed between then and now? Why all of a sudden?' that was a question he wanted to ask himself as well. What changed? Well, there was one major factor in it all, he turned to her with the serious of expressions.
"Well" he started, his voice low drawing in a breath of air through his nose as he ushered it back out of his mouth slowly.
"For one, I realized that I shouldn't be running from the possibility of a home just because I was afraid the attackers from my homeland would come searching for me," he answered.
"I decided that instead of gushing my existence to a cave or in the shadows, I should try to live my life correctly like my parents wanted me to do, not survive alone but survive with someone who cherishes me as I do them. I also decided that like you ...I wanted to be near you, to see you more, to hear your laugh more - to see every aspect I could of you and not just watch from the distance of a rock or the shadows. To really become personal to you as you are starting to be with me." He chuffed a sigh.
"The reason I said I wanted to be able to come and go was that ORIGINALLY I didn't want my family's enemy to come searching here because they noticed my attachment. I didn't want YOU to suffer the same fate my parents and clan members did at the woodlands...But ...I told myself that was wrong of me. I should make a stand, fight them - live my life the way I want not the way they want me to live. I will not stay in fear." he tells her.
"If they come so be it - I will rise to defend myself and the cove if I must. I will no longer hide my face and keep anything about myself a Secret. Why? Why is a good question, Why perhaps because the more I am with you the more I loath going back to the caves to sleep alone in the dark - to dream of your laugh, your smile the smell of sea salt on your coat that you leave behind on my body...I don't want to leave any more reasons to be regret not simply staying here with you." he tells her
'I don't...want you to leave. I don't want to wake one morning and find that you've gone and wondered where and when you'll be back.' he blushed at her words. She didn't want him to go? He felt the same way, he hated to see her go, to walk home, to go to a place he couldn't see and continue to enjoy her time with him.
" Nor do I wanna leave either. And never I will never leave you to wake alone and cold in the morning light. I want to be the first thing you see when you open your eyes. and the last thing you see when you go to sleep, but I want you to be able to feel my body alongside yours as we sleep knowing I won't be going anywhere." he took a breath. Did he just say that aloud? His face would flush a thousandfold. His face smooshed into his mane, he tried to hide his coming rage of color against his golden face. How embarrassing for him to say that aloud, he was a lion who was an adult, and yet here he was flushing over a simple saying, a simple word - but yet those few words meant so much to him.
"I am not going anywhere unless you tell me to go, Jewel.." he tells her then with a flushed face.
She tells him she is possessive. And he smiles.
"Then be itI don't mind that aspect of you. If you want to be possessive then be possessive - if you want to swoon over me then swoon. If you want to worship the ground I walk on, that's fine too. Jewel.....there's nothing you could or couldn't do that would make me want you less than what I do already. Others might be put off by it, but that's what comes with being someone you want to have and to hold. " he lets his eyes cast to their feet. ' don't know what my heart truly wants - but I know now? Here? In this moment? I want you... I want you to spend time with me... I want to be there for you.. to listen to you talk of your past and your life before now. I want to be able to talk of the future and not worry about what comes next.' now his face had to be as red as an apple. If not as red as the setting sun behind them. He felt as though his words got locked into his chest, the air choking him for a moment. His heart stammered against its cage.
After a few moments of being silent to hear her, he finally had the courage to look at her - his face so flushed he knew his body temperature had to raise thirty degrees. Swallowing, again and again, to muster himself to say something he looked at her flustered.
"I am glad you want me, and that I am not the only one sitting here as though my universe had just...exploded when I met you. And I too want to spend all the time in this world with you that I can get. Even if it's just watching you sleep as your cubs play. Even if it's just....watching you watch the sunset like this.....I want it all.." he whispered. He was afraid that if he spoke any higher that his voice would break. ' I want to know that when we sleep we will be surrounded by our children - for they would be yours as much as mine.' which made him stutter even more
" I would very much love to be able to share that aspect of life with you, Jewel. I know that I could never BE their father but I hope to be something like that to them. To be there for them and for you when it's needed most and even when it seems I am not, that I am there rooting for you all in the background. And I would also be there for when you want to have more children with me as I would be very happy to achieve that with you if that happens to be so." he tells her shyly. He had never thought about having cubs. Nor had he met someone he wanted to do that with. But he was getting older and the more he thought back about his family, his parents, the cubs he shared in their clan when he helped raise them when their own parents were out hunting or doing events. He very much enjoyed that aspect of his life.
'but I'm afraid that we will lose this moment - that we'll grow tired of one another. I'm afraid that when you find someone better, you will walk away without looking back.' He shook himself off his seat, he rose and stepped to her, his face reaching out to hers as he rumbled a reply
"no. I would never do that. There will never be someone more important than you to me other than perhaps your kids. No one could replace you in my heart. And if some unforeseen issue arises, that I run into someone else - they could never ever reach where you are inside my heart. You are my Moon Jewel. I've never been this close to anyone, ever. And I don't plan to find another person like that. So you need not worry about me 'walking away and finding someone else'. Because forever and ever it will always be you. Only you Jewel.". He bites his lips.
"The smell of your pelt, your voice that whispers at night, the advice you give me as if it reaches right through my own darkness and brings me to the light. Every little thing that you do...you amaze me, Jewel...You make me forget to breathe...I feel....starstruck in more ways than one." he chortles a sweet sound from his lips.
"Jewel...." 'let me love you the way my heart wishes to do so' but he couldn't say that. He felt that was too soon to tell her that. But he knew that right then he was slowly starting to really fall in love with her. He leaned away from her face to look at her. His heart stammering loudly as he felt the sweat under his paws, even under the cool sands of the beach he felt hot.
"Let me be yours, always as long as your heart permits me vacancy within it. You will not regret me or any of this.." he sat back down, his rump getting wet in the cold waters as it splashed over his tail and up against his back end. A shiver jitters across his body as he flinches into himself. It was starting to get cold.
"And no...I will never, ever grow tired of you. And I hope that you'll never grow tired of me either. every day will feel brand new - like a breeze across a flower field in a spring afternoon. It'll be to the point you'll think of me and swoon in the middle of a meeting with your officials. Or recall something stupid I did while you're watching your kids and it'll make you laugh to yourself like a child...Jewel...every day will be so magical." he promised to himself then and now that was what he would do for her. He would make sure every day was something new. every day something different welcomed her eyes, that something would cause her to laugh till she cried and her chest hurt. That when night fell she'd be securely in his arms, and fall asleep without a worry in the world.
He would make sure of it. He was hers. Now and always no matter when, the time of the day, what was going on, if she was upset, angry, or happy. His presence would remain with her always, like a tune stuck in your head. But a good tune, a tune you'd hate to forget how to sing.
"I'm not going anywhere. I will be here with you if you permit it so. I will hold you in my arms each night and tell you stories of my homeland. I will whisper gentle songs to you that will make your heart dance across the stars. And when we are old, I will remind you each day of one thing we did together, and when you forget about me - I'll find things to remind you. Your favorite flower, a song that touched your heart, I'll take you to a place that was our place and remind you of it all over again and again until you recall what we had and who I am....." his features was soft, he leaned down, his belly coasting over the beach as he curled himself around her on the ground. But would she feel the same way? Would she run away finally with what he opened up to her? Would she allow any of it? Or would she push his love aside? He hopelessly looked away - he prayed to himself, to the beach that they were on that there would be some sort of spark that would ignite inside her from his words. That she knew he really
really meant everything he told her.
@
Jewel