Had she the capability to spring away, Rani would have gladly done so for no other reason than to sulk in silence. There was no doubt in her mind that she had misconstrued what he had said, but convincing herself of the same thing was difficult. It was difficult because all of it was true -- that she did need to suck it up, get over herself and move on with life. How did she do that as a refugee in a pride she didn't even want to be in? It was certainly nothing against Avreya, she just.. didn't feel like it was home. Then again, Rani didn't really feel like anywhere was home now. He said she was brave for having children and Aarani sighed, wondering what her life would be like without them. Would she be happier if she hadn't been tethered down? Her nomadic ways had been abruptly stopped when she'd found she was pregnant the first time, and though she had anticipated picking the lifestyle back up once the cubs were old enough.. well, there she was pregnant again. "There's nothing brave about it." It was just proof she was foolish enough to believe in love twice. Three or four times, really. She had been alone at the end of each, anticipated she would be alone for the remainder of her life. Aarani didn't want the bastard children of another man and she certainly didn't want to raise them alone, but she didn't have an option, did she? It was far too late to do anything about the pregnancy, so she was simply stuck with the consequences of her actions. "It's alright, Oberon, you have nothing to apologize for." And truly, he didn't. Aarani was doing far from her best, however, as if she had a single modicum of brainpower she wouldn't have allowed herself to be quite so free those months ago. "I'm just tired is all." And far too tired to deal with emotions.

Table by Ice. Graphic by Brooke.

"I'm sorry."

she was going through so much, and he felt powerless. Oberon lifts himself from the earth, frowning. she wouldn't look at him properly, and nothing he said would make it better. he knew that. it'd be pointless, empty rambling. biting back a frustrated sigh, he doesn't know what else to say. he could easily leave Aarani here. to the elements. to her misery. but he had a feeling that's what all the men in her life had done.

you don't have to do it alone he bites back at first. he can't help the tumbling of dumb words out of his mouth. "I'm not your husbands. I'm not Vine. I ain't the father of those cubs" he begins hesitantly "but I care about them. I care about you. I don't want to misstep or screw anything up. I don't know what you need. only you know that..." this time he sighs, deeply, as he glances away from @Aarani. "but if you need someone to be there, to help you wrangle your kids in... I-I'm not experienced at all. I'm not going to replace anyone. I'm not trying to."

he bites back another useless emotion. that's all it was, wasn't it? words that she wouldn't believe. "the offer still stands. you can come to the Lagoon. you don't have to do it alone. I'll be there." so, yeah. more dumb fucking words. he shuffles away from her as if fearing her words and/or her claws. wincing, he prepares himself for the blunt of it. but he didn't regret it.

code by javs

Oberon apologized again. He apologized for things that weren’t his fault, or maybe he was apologizing for no reason at all. Aarani was clueless now, just as she had been when he started apologizing in the beginning. There was just.. no reason for him to be sorry, it wasn’t like he had done anything to send her down the path she had chosen. I’m not your husbands, I’m not Vine. She winced, but calmly replied: “I have no husbands.” Gabriel and Fionn were gone. They had abandoned her in her time of need and they weren’t coming back, so why bother pretending she was anything but a single mother of (soon to be) six? For the first time in several moments, Aarani looked up at Oberon. He cared about her cubs, about her, but.. gods, she couldn’t do that to him. There was no way on earth she could shackle someone as good as Oberon to her because in the end, she would drag him down to the pits of hell alongside her. Something would happen. He would get sick, he would get injured, he would leave. “You have no idea how much I want that,” she confessed, watching as he recoiled from her like she was poison. In a sense, maybe she was. “You have no idea how much I want all of that to happen, I just..” What was stopping her? What on God’s green earth was stopping her from moving her family to Scilla, taking up permanent residence there? What was stopping her from letting Oberon help her? Nothing logical, of course. “I.. am so afraid. Of what you could do to my heart, of how much I enjoy being around you, of how effortless it is to speak with you. Of how good of a heart you have, of how all of this happened so quickly that it.. it can’t be real, because if it is, we’re doomed. Everything I touch turns to ash, Oberon. I can’t do that to you. I can’t ask you to help me clean up the messes I’ve made.” But she looked up at him with eyes that betrayed everything she spoke, that screamed how much she wanted him to come closer instead of move away. But if he did move away, it was for the best. For him.

Table by Ice. Graphic by Brooke.

he regrets recoiling but she was grieving. in her own way, she could be unpredictable and... he did not blame her. no, he didn't. she was going through her pregnancy, her depression and fears of never finding Bhavani again. as much as he regretted it, he didn't want his friend (or perhaps interest) to lash out. she'd regret it too. maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow. "Aarani" he says, forgoing her pet name to be serious for once. for once in his fucking life. "you have every damn right to be hesitant."

he didn't know the whole story. he didn't care though. it would not change anything. she had been kind to him. she thought she wasn't a kind person, but she was. the woman had tended to his wounds after the battle. she was grateful for his help finding Ira. maybe she thought she was a broken doll incapable of letting her heart open again. he wasn't asking for her heart - at least... not yet. "you don't need to expect anything from me. we met... not too long ago. if anything, I need to be someone you haven't met yet." someone who would not abandon her.

"I'm just asking for a chance. you don't have to trust me. you can hate me if I fail. I'd be okay with that. but I DO want to be there for you, and your kids. unborn and here. I know you can do it alone, but I don't want you to. nobody should have to do it alone." he does move closer though. he wants to stop her from crying, because in his eyes she was moments away from sobbing. he doesn't care if she protests. he wraps both paws around her and pulls her close. this time, she didn't need to initiate contact.

"we don't have to be ANYTHING" he murmurs "I just don't want you to be alone."

code by javs

Rani had never been the violent type. Fighting had never been something she valued or desired to learn; she could hardly defend herself, let alone lash out in anger at someone. She may not have been the most stable with hormones blazing, but Rani was a woman of (decreasing) dignity and held herself to a higher standard of grace in tough situations. Still, she made no move to infringe upon his personal space like she had before -- if he had wanted to close the gap, he was more than capable of doing so. She turned her attention back onto the horizon for a few fleeting moments, only reeling it back in when he said her name. It wasn’t that Aarani thought she had no reason to be afraid, she simply wished it wasn’t the case. She wished a thousand and one wishes that things had turned out differently, but they simply hadn’t. Part of that was her hesitance, her fear, her heart whispering that it could not take another loss. Was it too late for that? Could she very well be sabotaging even a mere friendship? Her ears wilted into the curls of her mane as she studied him, listening as he explained he wanted to be different. Oh, spirits, she wanted that to be the case as well. She had wanted that with Fionn, too. With Gabriel and Dior. Shit, part of her was desperate enough to even consider Vine. How many could proclaim to be different? He wanted a chance. He wanted a chance and she wanted to offer him one, but.. spirits, she was so afraid. Aarani was afraid that, above everything else, he would come to regret the massive amount of responsibility that came with being in her life. Terrified of being a parent yet willingly subjecting himself to a woman that came saddled with them? Couldn’t he see the madness in that? Aarani didn’t know how to respond, frozen in a confused haze of wants and needs. There was a war in her head and her heart, and at the moment she wanted nothing but both of them to be silenced. And then within an instant, she was wrapped up in his arms and pulled against him. She gasped so softly it was barely there, surprise evident on her face at the sudden contact. Nobody should have to do it alone. We don’t have to be anything, I just don’t want you to be alone. Aarani had no words that seemed appropriate for the situation, and so she didn’t speak. She simply relaxed into his embrace and began to quietly sob, overwhelmed by all of it.

Table by Ice. Graphic by Brooke.

he doesn't know what to say either. when she begins to sob into him, he lifts a paw and pats her back. it was not awkward, but it was certainly sympathetic. the woman had been through so much. she had lost mates. she had lost Bhavani. she may have found Ira and Rama, but it wasn't enough. she wanted them all. he could not blame her for it.

if he was in her position, Oberon would want to save them all. he wouldn't rest until he found them. why did he care? he couldn't say. maybe it was like she said; he had a good heart. maybe he was being pulled in too fast - but he didn't give a shit. he cared about them. that little family that struggled and fought for their right to live. it inspired him. it made him want to be better. a better man, a better king. so nobody had to go through this shit again.

I'm sorry but he knew saying it yet again was pointless. she knew how he felt, and she didn't need him demeaning her indirectly. so he let her cry it out. she needed it. maybe in a way he needed it too.

code by javs

The tears would solve nothing. They never had, they never would.. but still, they flowed freely down her cheeks as she struggled to come to terms with what was happening. In a sense she was relieved he didn't want to be anything to her and in another sense, she was devastated. Aarani couldn't stomach the thought of living in a pride where she saw him daily; unrequited affection was difficult enough to handle as it was without seeing the object of her attention each day. To see him interact with her cubs, to be there for her and them in every capacity except for the one she wanted. She had been an absolute fool -- again -- and was now tangled up in his arms like they were lovers. Aarani.. just couldn't. She couldn't give him everything he asked for because she was selfish and she wanted more. More that he wasn't willing to offer, more than she had any right to ask of him. The concept of her being worth loving.. well, that had long since been proven inaccurate. He was no different. "I can't. I'm sorry." Aarani moved to untangle herself from him and take a step backwards, lifting her gaze to meet his. She didn't want his pity, she didn't want him to look at her like she was nothing but a pathetic excuse for a mother barely keeping things together. She didn't want him to be offering those things out of the kindness of his heart, and she sure as shit didn't want to be lead on. Another heartbreak would absolutely devastate her, but she couldn't very well blame him for just trying to be a good samaritan. It was just in his nature, it had nothing to do with her. She wasn't special, she was just.. pathetic. "I'm sorry," she repeated, turning on her heels to head home. To Firnen, where she would be safely away from Vine and Oberon both.

Table by Ice. Graphic by Brooke.

shit.

she untangles from him, tears still in eyes. but that wasn't what hurt. she couldn't. she was sorry but she couldn't. and that hurt flashed across his face. clear as day. naked as the day he was born into this world. and before he knew it, she was moving away. Oberon's mouth seemed to gap slightly, his eyes wide and he felt like an idiot. oh, yep. he did.

"but - " he stupidly blurts out, standing and staring after her like a lost puppy. it was silly to run after her, wasn't it? she made it quite clear she didn't want anything to do with him. she wasn't willing to try whatever this was. she didn't want him. "it won't change how I feel" ah, further blurtations... he takes a step toward her retreating form. if she's gone, she's gone. if not, he lets his voice carry to her on the night's wind "I like you, Aarani."

and it's fine he thinks to himself you can hate me if you want and she could run away if she wanted. but he'd still remain civil to her. he'd still like her. romantically. interested and idiotic as he was. he sucks in a short breath. fuck it. of course this was not helping the poor woman. Oberon groans softly. "I'm sorry..." he says again, this time a whisper. this time to himself.

code by javs

Of course she had seen the hurt. She would have been blind not to notice the shifting of his expression, the stunned look on his face like he'd just been burned by iron. It went without saying that she hadn't meant for it to happen, but.. what could she do besides protect herself? In a world where she had allowed others to protect her for so long, in a world where they had all abandoned her.. who else would make sure her heart stayed together? Only Aarani. Only she had the power to ward off the pain, and deep down she was proud of herself for having turned away. It was all a confusing mess and one she was eager to get away from, though his words caused her paws to slow. Rani glanced over her shoulder at him, the golden locks of her mane matted down to her damp cheeks as she studied him. It wouldn't change how he felt, he said, and the lioness couldn't help but wonder if he meant pity. She wiped at her face with the back of her paw, listening intently as he confessed his.. liking of her. It was a complicated thing to hear after she had told him the very same thing earlier, but.. spirits, she needed help. "I like you too, Oberon. That's the issue. I like you too much." Love? No, of course not. Did she still end up with butterflies in her stomach whenever she saw him, and did she want to pursue things to see where they went? Of course. Of course she did, and that was exactly why she wouldn't. "If we're 'nothing' and you help me raise my cubs, it.. it would hurt. I would fall in love with you too easily and I just- I can't put myself through that again. I can't allow myself to love someone, it's just too difficult when it ends." Aarani shook her head with a soft sigh, wondering if any of it made sense. "I think it's best for everyone if I just stay in Firnen and raise them alone. I've done it once, I can do it again." Shifting her weight, she looked to him. "And then neither of us end up hurt." If she had to lock herself away to protect herself, to protect him, to protect her babies.. well, she would gladly do it.

Table by Ice. Graphic by Brooke.

"I shouldn't have said 'nothing' to you" he says when she stops. when she pours her heart out to him. that she liked him back, a bit too much, and if it was going to go anywhere... she needed to protect herself. and he got that, he did. but he was going to say his piece first. he owed her that, and she gave him a chance to say something. anything. "I just didn't want you to be forced into something. I didn't know how you felt. I just wanted to be your friend, just... in case you didn't like me that way back. you're not 'nothing' to me, Aarani."

but he remains where he is. she is still a distance away and it hurt to see, but he'd give her respect. "it seems... everyone's telling you what to do and how to act and what to feel; what do you want? I can... walk away. if you want. I can. it'd fucking hurt like hell, but if that's what you want I'd respect your wishes. we'd be friends still, surely. you don't have to go anywhere you don't want. you don't have to be anything with me... I'll keep away." and yeah, it'd make him all sorts of uncomfortable.

he sighs, glancing away from her. away from her beautiful mint green eyes. "I just wish there was more time. I... I didn't want to rush. I like to court, to serenade. I like to make someone else feel special, safe and happy. I'm not doing any of those things for you, am I?" he heaves a dry laugh, frowning as the joy trails away. she's had so many men leave her and he was rushing her into doing this? he was such an asshole "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. f-forget it. I was being stupid." but he does not turn. he does not look back. Oberon looks at her again, smiling weakly. wishing her well if she tells him off. if that's what you want. he would not fight her on it. he wanted to, but that was not healthy.

"I like you, a lot. but I won't make you do something you won't want. that you'd regret."

code by javs