Nero didn't even know who he was anymore. It felt like it had been quite a while since he'd last been whole, however fleetingly, and the coming four-year-old was at a loss on how to move forward. When he wasn't with his children, he was patrolling. He stayed active physically, but mentally? His mind was a shadowy labyrinth where he wandered daily. Things with Ghyslaine were okay, he thought. Things with Nazonal were okay, he thought. It didn't stop him from feeling numb to the happenings in the world, though, and boy was Nero numb. He missed the younger version of himself that would have thrown himself into battle over the smallest thing, but as it was now, he simply shrugged apathetically at the idea. There was a disconnect preventing him from caring about the politics, about Tiamat and Alizabeth and the Sigrún and the Rike. He loved his mothers dearly, but their battles had become his own and he no longer wanted them. Was it.. good to be like that? Was it him maturing? Or was it bad, a sign that he was short-circuiting somewhere in his brain? Nero didn't know, so he did what he always did: walk aimlessly under the night sky.

Table by Amanda

They were bathed in the night sky's light moving through the fields under the glow of bodies celestial and bright. She looked distracted, a little distressed. If she were moving faster it may look as though she was being chased with that look on her face but their pace was too slow to suggest actual urgency. What Naz fled from was not something that could give chase and not something she could escape. They wandered into the open, head hug down and shoulders baring an invisible weight. Fortunately it seemed any physical harm to Naz was exclusively from deep dives into the dark jungle. Paw pads a little raw, scuffs and scratches from errant twigs and thorns grasping at her. Mild even by the worst of assessments. She even still carried a few leaves lodged in their dark fur, partly dried and brown at the edges they clung as Naz continued her desperate pace despite the protest in her legs. They ached and screamed, begging Naz to stop and rest after hours of this. They did not obey. Stopping meant a chance to think, a chance for the mind to run wild and uncage that vicious beast.

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

Nero drifted through the fields like a ghost, barely aware of his surroundings. It was a path he had walked many times before to the point where his haunting had become residual, almost as if he were simply embedded into the energy of the earth itself. A lonely specter on a loop, repeating the same movements over and over again for all eternity. It brought him comfort to do something familiar in a world where nothing ever stayed the same for long. The repetition brought him to a place of zen, but peace was never meant to be everlasting. If it were, no one would appreciate it.

Nero heard them before he saw them. Heavy, panting breaths as though their lungs were about to collapse from exhaustion. He didn't know who it was barreling towards him until the figure emerged from the shadows, their eyes almost frenzied. What was she running from? The lion wasted no time in rushing towards them, eager to intercept their path if for no other reason than to force them to breathe for a moment. "Naz?" he called from a distance. "Naz!" A bit more authority this time as he tried to snatch them away from their thoughts.

Or whatever was chasing them.

Table by Amanda

It was like shadow around her, he emerged from it as if materializing. It wasn't gradual he was just there in front of her. Their heart didn't leap or race, they did not feel the joy he usually brought to her and she was doing a poor job of hiding that from her face. She felt doubt. Instantly their mind began to scramble and recount every moment, every spoken word, every kiss and she desperately tried to unpack what was real or not. What was love, what was her own fear of being alone.

The second time he uttered her name with strength it touched something in her, brought her back just a few steps from the edge. A few moments to breath. "Nero." They said with a weighted sigh, she leaned in and aimed to bury her face into the side of his neck.

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

As much as he tried, Nero couldn't see anything pursuing Nazonal. He strained his eyes and tried to focus, waiting for something to materialize for everything to make sense. Why else would Nazonal be sprinting like their life depended on it? As concerned as he was, Nero already felt an overwhelming sense of dread creeping up his spine. If there was no physical threat, what had happened? Why was Naz just.. running themselves to death?

Although she didn't pummel into him, Nero tensed. He was ready for anything and everything, but it seemed like his presence managed to awaken something in them. The light, however dim, returned to their eyes. Nero recognized the look of dissociation because he'd experienced it so many times himself. Something was quite off, clearly, but Nero didn't know who or what had done it.

"I'm here," he murmured as she came to rest against him. Lifting a leg to try and swing around her shoulders to pull her closer, Nero attempted to protectively embrace her. "I'm here, Naz. You're okay. You're safe." As safe as they could be with a pint-sized fluff ball around, at least.

Table by Amanda

And slump. His arm draped around her and Naz's entire body seemed to melt. Muscles sluffed off their tightness, readiness to action, and loosened. Their shoulders sank, they placed a little more weight upon his neck as she nuzzled in closer to his supportive frame.

It's fine, I'm fine. She mumbled. There wasn't much truth to it and Naz was too weary to sound anything besides numb and distant. I did it is all. Their voice hitched a little, caught in their throat and then cracked as it suddenly felt like their entire throat was dry. Not everything worth doing was going to be easy- but this was not the mental anguish she would have expected. Naz pulled away from him, forcing a smile upon her cock-eyed slightly off kilter muzzle. She knew enough to know she was supposed to feel happy... right?

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

Nero settled onto his haunches in order to brace against their weight, more than happy to carry them across the entire valley if the need arose. He wasn't sure what sort of anguish she was experiencing until pulling away and forcing a crooked smile. I did it. He flashed them a puzzled look for a few seconds, but reality sank in quite abruptly. "Oh." Because Nero had been through an awkward breakup with Naz once before and he knew how badly it hurt to end things while still being in love with the other. He didn't know what to say or if there was anything he could say to make her wounds heal faster. He doubted it.

"You don't have to pretend to be okay, Naz." Nero tried to pull them back a bit more, encouraging them to fall apart if that was what they needed. It was strange how he felt a distinct lack of guilt. Typically Nero would have driven himself batty over how awful he felt coming between them and Alexander, but he just.. didn't. He didn't feel guilty and maybe that made him a bad man – if he could ever possibly have been worse than he'd already fallen. Frankly, Nero was glad Nazonal had ripped off the bandaid because it meant they were one step closer to their story beginning.

He sucked in a breath. "It's okay to not be okay."

Table by Amanda

There just simply wasn't healing to be had that she was ready to face. Naz would rather try to bury all of it back down into the depths. Into whatever cage this horrible feeling, this darkness, had receded into when she started to put herself back together. Push it away as quick as possible- numb. She'd rather be numb than hurting, than suffering her own guilt and mind wondering if she was capable of love and anything good. Even if that meant not being able to feel okay right now too. Just nothing. A void, like floating in the most still of oceans.

Oh it sucked don't get me wrong. Probably about the second hardest thing I've ever had to do. Naz snuggled back in against him to his warmth and comfort. Every motion and stolen bit of affection felt good, but tainted. Thick and heavy with newfound doubts about herself. Never doubting that she wanted to be there and snuggled up against him but to what end? Was every moment and action meant to love him or to fulfill her own need to feel love? They lifted a paw, aiming to curl it around his other arm and hold him. If nothing else at least Nero was safe from threat and harm.

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

He expected tears or some sort of inevitable collapse of the walls she had built around her. Some sort of sign that she was actually confronting the grief he had subjected her to in a roundabout way. Perhaps there was some flicker of guilt there behind his crimson eyes, but mostly there was nothing except love for the lion in front of him as they nonchalantly brushed off what they had done like it was no big deal. Like they hadn't just dissolved a relationship with someone they were in love with because they'd been nearly backed into a corner. Nero clenched his teeth in wait, but nothing more came.

"It sounds like there's a 'but' coming?" Or maybe she'd prefer not to talk about it. Nero would understand that for sure, but he also didn't want her to simply repress it until it either exploded or disappeared from her memory altogether. He tried to wiggle a bit closer as they clasped his arm, fully intending on sitting there in a hug for as long as they needed.

Table by Amanda

But there was a but. They held in a small breath, momentarily lost in the specifics of just what this 'but' was, and what she felt secure enough talking about. But it was easier than I thought it would be? Or was it harder? Or... An entirely different kind of hard than I thought? Rambling, their voice quickened and heightened with more emotion as it threatened to rise up over her defensive walls and drown them both. They swallowed down a thick feeling in their throat and their hind legs tensed up until her claws on those two paws grasped the ground.

But now I feel like I don't know myself.

I'll be okay. Promise. Their voice calmed as they pressed their forehead against him, aiming to pepper a few kisses along his neck. Bury herself away, desperate to start a new and flood out what she was feeling now with the good and sweet warmth of Nero.

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS