Their screams layered over each other in a symphony of vulgarity and relief. Naz held theirs until they couldn't breath, her ears ringing with the volume of their combined voices. Hers faded and yet continued to echo in their head, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears incredibly loud all of a sudden and each was a thunderclap and lightning. Abruptly her jaw shut, quickly the screaming turned to panting as Naz tried to fill their lungs as fast as possible-body starving for all the oxygen that had been pushed out.

Their earthen gaze turned his way and those eyes sparkled, their lips were halfway between a grin and just simply hanging open and tongue poking out panting in-between. Nero Nero Nero. How Naz's mind danced between the guilt it hadn't worked out and the guilt of feeling guilty over that at all. They were happy, they loved Sparrow more than they could ever imagine capable. But he, their relationship, was the price paid. And they walked this liminal line of what, who, when, why. A long maze of paths and doors seemingly without end and they didn't have a map for it. Every second it was growing bigger and changing.

Can I ask you something? Naz says softly once they had steady enough breath to form words. In place of the scream it sounded like a whisper, and maybe it was a little muted by hesitation. They looked unsure, unsure if asking what sounded like it might be a heavy question would be pushing it too far. They didn't want to ruin the moment.

@Nero

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

Although he didn't think he would take it up as a career, Nero had to admit that screaming might very well be a new hobby of his. There was something incredibly cathartic about it, almost as if pushing the air from his lungs had expelled some of the bad feelings as well. If he screamed once a day, would he slowly heal? Morrigan might not appreciate it too much at home, but maybe he could take a stroll nearby and casually scream before returning home to the cubs. Some people enjoyed a cup of coffee in the morning, right? Screaming had a similar effect. It woke him up and it made him feel better, too! Screaming was coffee confirmed.

He sucked in a breath and held it, letting the calm wash over him. For a moment, he was okay.

And then he very quickly grew anxious when Nazonal asked for his blessing to ask a question. Nero swallowed and nodded: "yeah, of course. What's up?"

Table by Amanda

She sighs and their eyes drift away for a moment, breaking the contact while they made absolutely sure they wanted to ask him what was on their mind. And it led then to a second question, a tickle in their brain that begged first for an answer before they could conceive to continue down the path that they'd let their brain start down.

Naz looks back to him and tries their best to look gentle, sensitively asking what is slowly beginning to dominate their mind. If Ghys comes back what happens then? They can imagine having both of the souls who made them so happy. As fate handed Naz Sparrow maybe this was fate's way of giving the two of them back a chance, albeit not as they first envisioned. But Naz was worried about getting too far into the dreaming and wondering, only to end up down the exact same path. It would be easier to love from a distance for all eternity in their mind.

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

A thousand things drifted through his mind as he sat there, studying their face for some kind of clue about what they were thinking. He didn't know what Nazonal could possibly have to ask him that didn't involve something heavy, but maybe she was pulling his leg and was about to ask for a game of tag or something like that. He kept his hopes low and flicked a tattered ear towards them as they finally asked it, clearly as hesitant to ask as he was to answer. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was that he just simply didn't know. Nero couldn't understand why his heart had to be split into two halves the way it was; or maybe he couldn't understand why there were some lions out there not willing to try. Nero couldn't deny that he had wondered the same thing himself. What would happen if Ghyslaine came home?

"I don't know, Naz. There's so many questions that need to be answered, like what happened? Did she leave of her own free will? Was she so unhappy with me that she chose to ditch our cubs as well? Is she sick? Injured?" Nero sighed, pausing to scratch at an itch on his muzzle. "And would she be better off without me in her life," he murmured softly. "If it weren't for me, she would still be in Lorien. Safe." Probably, anyway. He couldn't really know for sure, but the thought nagged at him. So he really didn't know what, exactly, would come from her return.

Nero rolled onto his side to look at her, his expression unreadable. "It's been almost six months since she's been gone. The cubs don't even have many memories of her, and at what point am I supposed to give up on her? Because I feel like I have. I feel like she's gone and she's not coming back and we'll just.. never know what happened." He reached out a paw to touch theirs, smiling timidly. "But I don't want to think about what ifs right now. I just want to enjoy this moment right here, right now."

He had his own question, though.

"What would you want to happen if she came home?"

Table by Amanda

They couldn't find fault in the ambiguous way he answered. There was so many blanks in it all, even Nazonal on the periphery in Nero's corner could see them. Although at least of one thing Naz could be sure. She's lucky to have you. I would bet all the food I have stashed away that her life is better because of you. Naz knew hers was. If anyone thought differently they were flat out wrong.

They mirrored his movements and shifted to their side with her belly and paws stretching out into the space between them, their head coming to rest on their forelimb like a pillow. "If you have given up, it's ok." He tried, of that no one could doubt. But there was no rulebook for this. No point of should or should not. Every answer simultaneously wrong and right it only mattered who was asking to make the difference. If he wanted to move on, then it was time.

They seemed to not be expecting the question to come back at them. They widened their eyes and bit at the inside of their lip. Nervous, unable to look away from him. "I'm not entirely sure." They lied. Or rather they couldn't untangle the want from the worry. It was scary to really accept what she did want and guarding her heart felt necessary. Their voice was a little withdrawn, measured. A shield, a veil. Plus like he said there was a lot of questions left unanswered that would change things, as much for her as for him. "I can tell you what I don't want. I don't want her coming home to immediately mean the end of any second chances you and I get." They reach over their other paw to place it on his. Their lifeline, a bit of contact to ground and reassure. Something gentle to help navigate a hard conversation. "If there's even a chance that if she comes back you want to stay with her monogamously, I need to know. I won't be mad I just... I just have to know."

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

How much he disagreed with Nazonal's view was painful. There was a heaviness in his chest that felt like it sank even lower when they spoke of how Ghyslaine's life was better because of him, because how was that possible? She had drowned. She had been put between friends and family. She had been forced to choose between her best friends and her husband, and Nero wasn't without fault in all of it. He turned his attention towards the sky as he mulled over everything, unable to quell the emotions that quickly washed over him. How many days had they spent happily together? Did it outweigh the bad? With all the damage he had caused his wife, could she ever possibly recover? And, in the end, was it kinder to let her go to find someone more capable of providing happiness. Was it cruel to entertain the idea that they could simply pick up where they'd left off? But they hadn't even left off in a good place. They had just fled her best friend's pride. Was there any good left for them at all? Nero didn't know. He hated not knowing. He hated feeling so inadequate and just so fucking awful at existing. No matter what decision he made, it would be the wrong one.

He shifted his attention back onto her as she spoke, speaking some thoughts he agreed with silently. "It won't. If there's anything I've learned in the past year, it's that I can't and won't ever stop loving you; that I won't be truly happy unless I'm with you." Nero swallowed, flexing his toes to touch a bit more of her paw. He wanted to be with them both so badly it made his skin burn, but he couldn't force anything onto Ghyslaine she didn't want. Nero had stayed faithful to her, raising their cubs, and still ached for Nazonal the same way he ached for Ghyslaine.

That was a storm the passing of time had not quieted.

Table by Amanda

With you. They smiled, briefly the words drug their mind along and entertained them with flashes of potential. They felt foolish, how quickly he could quell that worry with just words. But they wanted to make him happy. It's all they've ever wanted from the first day they'd met. Giving him up to Ghyslaine had only felt right because Nazonal thought it'd make him happy. And she feels stupid and giddy, selfishly, thinking that all that time ago Naz had been wrong about what would make him happy. Undeniably hearing him say love, that he needed her, was fuel.

There is a flicker of seriousness across their face, something inside steeling up for a second. "Will I still make you happy even if you're not my only one?" Of at least one thing Nazonal was certain, she'd do everything she could to spend the rest of her days with Sparrow. After all was said and done they were polyamorous, they loved the vision of their heart growing and flourishing rather than splitting into pieces. There wouldn't be a way to go back on that. There wasn't a way Nazonal could give up Sparrow no matter how happy it might make Nero. This was their line in the sand, it was all that Nazonal had become or none at all.

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

Nero had wondered the same thing himself, actually. Would being one of many be something he, as a man, was comfortable with? Naturally, he understood the hypocrisy of the situation and it wasn't lost on him that he couldn't ask monogamy from Nazonal. He had encouraged it in the beginning, to go out and explore and find other lovers. Although at the time, he had never expected them to be in the situation they were now. It was uncomfortable to say the least and Nero didn't know how to answer honestly without pushing Nazonal away.

"I wouldn't ask you to give up your happiness, Naz." Even if he wanted them all to himself, there was no doubt Sparrow made them happy. Happier than he ever could make her own his own and maybe that was okay. "But I won't pretend the idea of another man touching you doesn't make me want to beat the shit out of whoever it is." Nero sighed, tilting his muzzle back to the sky. "If you want.. if you need others, I won't stop you." He wouldn't be happy, though, they weren't wrong there. Sparrow was one thing, but other men sharing her bed? It made his hackles stand on end.

Table by Amanda

They frowned a little, felt their belly kick and flip a little with his answer. He was justified to feel as he wanted, but it did not leave Nazonal feeling good. It felt like a hurdle, a wall, a lock on a door. "Just men? You and I both know how great it is to love and be loved by woman." They wondered if it was that he being polite and trying not to imply the thought of them with Sparrow made him just as angry and possessive. Gender was weird, and Naz struggled to find reason why it would matter when it came to who was touching them, sleeping with them, who they loved. They got the same benefits from anyone they loved and touched, the same joy and flame in their belly.

"If we're going to- They grasped onto his paw. - you need to meet Sparrow first. And I will not deny myself someone just because they are a man." They attempted to grab and pull his paw a little closer to her. An act to get his full attention, to get him to look her a dead in the eye as possible as if that would help Naz detect any stretch of the truth. "Can you be happy with that?" They relax their grip just a bit but do not pull away. Leaving it for him to decide.

They ached.

ART BY KIM, CODE BY LARS

The answer was no.

His ears flattened against his head as they spoke, not seeming to understand his position or.. not caring? Nero didn't know. He only knew his heart broke when Nazonal told him that they would pursue anyone they wanted, male or female or anything and everything else, and that Nero would forever just be a small piece of that puzzle which made up their heart.

They grasped onto his paw and he struggled to let them take it, fighting back the pain that welled in his throat as Nazonal asked him again: can you be happy with that? Nero frowned, not taking his paw back but not returning the grip. That was it, wasn't it? There was no second chance. There was no chance, because Nero couldn't be happy with that. He knew it was stupid, but he knew it wasn't something he could exactly change, either. Nero would be giving up a life of monogamy with Ghyslaine to be one of several lovers? He struggled enough with inadequacy; the last thing he needed was to have rivals in taller, stronger, more handsome men than he was.

"No," he whispered softly, pulling his eyes away from hers and back onto the sky as he blinked back tears that fell down his cheeks anyway. Nero wasn't made for happiness. He wasn't made for love. The thought of giving up everything he had with Ghyslaine to become a fraction of someone's heart was not something he could do.

But Ghyslaine had given up everything for him, hadn't she? Selfishly, Nero was angry that Nazonal hadn't even considered it. Wasn't he worth it? They could have Sparrow and they could have him, what else could they possibly need? But the answer was plain: Nero was not enough. He would never be enough, but he wouldn't ask Nazonal to give up the lifestyle they had chosen if it made them happy. Even if it meant not being part of it, having his heart smashed into the ground, and then trampled over.

He just wanted her to be happy.

Table by Amanda