Kimagure Stagner

A beating heart of stone...

Set immediately after the thread in which Xerxes fell from the Lookout.

Kimagure's mind turned as she put distance between herself and the incident she had just witnessed. She was acutely aware of Eina only pawsteps behind her, but Kimagure had not spoken to her yet. The lioness meant to ensure they would not be overheard, not that she felt too worried they would be followed based on what she had just seen.

So for a time she was silent, allowing her mind to process it all so she would be certain in what to say. The lioness's movements were tight and purposeful, but her face was expressionless. Carefully held neutral, she internalized it all as she made up her mind.

Finally, when she felt they had gone far enough, she came to a stop. Her massive paws spread evenly on the rocky ground, the lioness studied the steep slope downward as she waited for Eina. Kimagure was reminded of her childhood home and she knew all too well how hazardous the slopes could be. The steep inclines were not much different from the ones she had built her strength on. The sparse vegetation that dotted it was a little different, as well as the soft spring breeze that brushed her fur.

She also thoughtfully observed a pathway down the mountain, if she needed to make a quick escape if someone had followed them. It would most likely be difficult for Eina to traverse, but not impossible. Finally, she turned back to look for the girl she expected to be following her.

@Eina

+5 Study the landscape 1/2.

She watches. | "She speaks." | 'She broods.'

Art by Luyene

Eina

The events from earlier still rang fresh in her mind, on repeat indefinitely. She had been following Kimagure in stunned silence, walking with autopilot. Though she felt better to be away from the area that gave her a sense of danger, the silence of Kimagure, while not unusual, was intimidating to her. Her colorless eyes blinked as she worked to focus back in the present, and she looked up at the towering lioness from behind, nervousness raging inside her stomach. Was she unhappy with Eina's useless reaction? Was the cub being judged? Was Kimagure deciding that the younger feline wasn't as emotionally strong as desired?

Eina opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Any time she thought she knew what to say, it would only catch in her throat, offering nothing but silence. In moments, she gave up, deciding to ensure the anticipation of waiting for Kimagure to be the one to speak first. It felt like an eternity, despite not being that long in reality.

The dark cub stifled her gasp when she almost ran into the lioness who had stopped walking. Dark legs locked, though it almost caused her to trip forward if it hadn't been for her pulling her weight back slightly. When pink eyes greeted Eina as she looked up once more, she felt like disappearing. While nothing suggested unhappiness, disappointment, anger, or anything of the like, the fact that she couldn't know for sure what Kimagure was thinking about her made her feel as if a literal flame of embarrassment was burning her alive.

Eina leaned back on her haunches, sitting sloppily as her claws raked tensely at the ground, creating tiny little lines of scratches upon the rocky surface below as she couldn't help but allow her gaze to fall somewhere below Kimagure's eyes, such as her chin. Still, she couldn't find her voice, so she had no choice but to wait for the older lioness to say something.

⟺⟺⟺⟺⟺ Eina fidgets. "Eina questions?" 'Eina wonders'

Original Photo by Brynn Tweeddale on Flickr

Kimagure Stagner

A beating heart of stone...

Kimagure did not miss that Eina had nearly stumbled into her. It was a testament to how closely the child was following. The lioness studied her silently for a moment, noting how she nervously clawed at the ground. Kimagure guessed she was troubled by what she had seen. It was no shocker to Kimagure. She had seen and done worse. It also seemed Eina was struggling to meet her eyes. Kimagure had already decided what she wanted to tell the girl, but first she wanted to know exactly what the charcoal female thought herself. It would give Kimagure somewhere to start and tell her a lot about the child.

"What did you think of what just happened? What did you notice?" she asked finally, her face still expressionless as she waited. There were many things Kimagure had noticed about the situation, she had learned much. Though it was obvious that questions had been generated as well. A breeze ruffled her fur, casting down the mountain and bringing with it the scent of goats and woody plants, making the dense shrubs rustle like whispers.

Her tail tip began to twitch slowly back and forth, like a metronome counting time.

She watches. | "She speaks." | 'She broods.'

Art by Luyene

Eina

What did you think of what just happened? What did you notice? The questions helped Eina meet with Kimagure's eyes once more, but only for a moment as they retreated once more to a safer below. Was Kimagure testing her attentiveness during the unfolding events? She couldn't help but let her ears fall back uncertainly as she alternated between meeting Kimagure's eyes, falling back onto her muzzle area. "The youngest male was dying, and the older male collapsed." She answered, unintentionally causing the image to make itself known in her mind, which had then transitioned into her and her father the afternoon she left his body. "Some of the lionesses were screaming," Which ones? Eina couldn't tell you. "and another one was trying to help the younger male." What happened to either, the cub dreaded to think about.

"I'm sorry, that's all I remember." She insisted, aching to get a read at what Kimagure felt for the lack of specific details. Oh-in her worry, she realized, she almost forgot to answer what she thought of it. What she thought? "And-uh, what I thought, I thought it was..." Chaotic? Overwhelming? Frightening? Any word she could think of, she felt, were possible grounds for disappointment. "I didn't like it." It was all she could muster up. Sure, who wouldn't like the sight of another lion dying? Slowly, she dared survey Kimagure's face, anticipating what sort of shift in tone was to come.

⟺⟺⟺⟺⟺ Eina fidgets. "Eina questions?" 'Eina wonders'

Original Photo by Brynn Tweeddale on Flickr

Kimagure Stagner

A beating heart of stone...

Kimagure allowed her gaze to bore into Eina as the girl struggled to explain. Each word was considered carefully, her face kept neutral. As Kimagure had suspected, she had only noted the surface events. That would not be enough. She tilted her head slowly as Eina finished, noting how she couldn't hold her gaze. The child would need to learn to hide her discomfort, to put on a good face no matter what she was feeling, just as Kimagure did when necessary.

"When something happens, focus on the details. It seems what you saw was horrific to you, but is it any different than watching me bring down a gazelle? Is it any different than when you suffocated the fawn? Prey dies, lions die. Everything and everyone you have ever known or will ever know is or one day will be dead. Rarely ever do lions die peacefully in their sleep, we almost always die at the paws of another lion or animal, and if not that of illness or infection.

Is watching that boy die of his injuries really any different than watching the fawn you suffocated slowly die? Maybe a little more bloody, more unexpected... but you'll spend your entire life killing something else to survive... and survival is the most important thing there is.

Your only job in this life is to take care of yourself and whomever you deem important. You must do everything you can to protect yourself, even if it costs someone else. Always assume everyone around you wants something from you, because they do. Even if that something is just to make themselves feel good. No one does anything for no reason." she began, voice deadly serious as she slowly spoke. Kimagure looked away then, her gaze moving to the night sky, the moon hanging overhead before she returned her eyes to Eina. Kimagure thought carefully about what she was going to say next. The lioness thought back to all the times she had sheltered Colbert, hidden the truth... and she considered how close she had allowed him to get to her before he eventually betrayed her.

Perhaps her error had been to hide her real nature and now was a time she could assess who Eina really was, who or what she would be in Kimagure's life.

"I hope the boy dies. When I first met him, he was feeding on another lion, and I assumed he was starving. We all do what we must when we are hungry, but he displayed no concern, was unafraid of being caught. He had no shame or fear and that makes him dangerous. When he's grown, what's to stop him from hunting his own kind? What if he comes upon you injured? Would he take advantage? Most likely. If he dies, we're both safer.

The absolute lack of fear of consequences or remorse tells me he would do it again and think nothing of it. I only stepped in to maintain appearances. There was no way to avoid being seen there, and word would get around that I turned a blind eye to an injured boy if anyone found out. It would put all of us in danger, Tamotsu, myself, you," she continued, voice hard. Now for the moment of truth.

"If I had come upon him alone, I would have suffocated him to end his misery and eliminate the threat he could pose. His chances of survival are almost nonexistent anyway, but I am safer and the people I care for are safer if he is dead and gone.

+10 1/2 Pass along information that might be important. (Xerxes is a cannibal.)

She watches. | "She speaks." | 'She broods.'

Art by Luyene

Eina

The towering feline had focused less on specific details than Eina expected. Was this not a lesson on assessing details to the maximum? A lot was sprung upon the cub, more than she expected. Then again, shouldn't she remind herself that Kimagure has started every major lesson with a lengthy lecture thus far? As Kimagure spoke, though, the topic seemed to shift to a different direction, and she felt herself rather bothered by the woman's words. How could Kimagure make out prey dying to a lion dying be the same? Her face creased with a worried confusion as she listened to the lioness continue, deciding to wait until every word was spoken--Eina wasn't one to interrupt.

She did agree that self-preservation was important. At least she and Kimagure could agree on that. She was somewhat glad to be validated in knowing that everybody wants something. Even Eina herself, she knew, was guilty of this. Kimagure's safety was what convinced the cub to agree to stay with her. Knowing she would be fed with Kimagure. She wondered, for a moment, what Kimagure had wanted from Eina. Now wasn't the time to ask, though. Her fidgeting stopped and started several times as Kimagure spoke, with no apparent pattern throughout.

Eina felt rather upset with Kimagure when she said she hoped the boy dies. Though, justification introduced itself, and Eina found herself slowly agreeing with the danger. A cannibalistic lion was unsettling. She, Tamotsu, and Kimagure were safer without him walking the land. Then Kimagure revealed a darker batch of information, and Eina listened carefully. The ivory lioness revealed she would have intended to kill the young male, had there not been witnesses. She searched Kimagure's face silently as she processed the information. Kimagure's reasonings seemed justified. Eina wasn't sure if she had it in her to do that, though. She felt like she didn't have it in her to kill another lion. Would it have eased the male's suffering, though? Would it have been the right answer if he truly had no way out of dying? Finally, the cub had the chance to speak.

"Lions dying is different from prey dying." She insisted, finally glad to be able to voice her disagreement, albeit all the while feeling a nervous pit in her stomach. 'Isn't it?' "When prey dies, it's so we can eat. But when lions die it's... it's lions. Someone's losing a family member. It... it hurts. It hurts the ones they leave behind." Her voice broke slightly, but quickly, she cleared her throat before sighing. Prey was different. Prey ran on nothing but self-preservation, they lacked the emotional intelligence lions had. Right? "Watching him die felt really different than suffocating the fawn. The fawn fed us. The mother's just going to live on like normal. Those lionesses, though, they're probably so torn. They'll probably never get over it." She explained her side, feeling rather disbelieved that Kimagure didn't see it like that. How was the lioness so... fine when it came to death? To killing others?

Eina took in a breath, making room for more words. "I already know that everyone wants something. I know strangers aren't just going to care for the wellbeing of someone they don't know or love." Her claws, for a moment, seemed to scrape harder as she paused, struggling to organize her thoughts, failing to discard the anticipation of upsetting Kimagure with disagreement. She still wanted to bring Kimagure to example, but she was nowhere near confident enough to. "And you're right that we're safer if he's gone. He would hurt me if he had the chance. Or Tamotsu, or you." But was she right to have killed him herself if given the chance? Eina remained unsure, and she hesitated to voice such.

⟺⟺⟺⟺⟺ Eina fidgets. "Eina questions?" 'Eina wonders'

Original Photo by Brynn Tweeddale on Flickr

Kimagure Stagner

A beating heart of stone...

Kimagure's body was tense as she awaited the response. She found herself bending her legs, bringing herself down to Eina's height as she listened to the girl and watched her face. Eina had listened silently to her until she finished, so Kimagure turned the favor.

The white woman understood exactly what @Eina was trying to say by suggesting lions were different. But it came from a position of ignorance. Kimagure knew that other creatures were as intelligent as she was. Colbert had been a fox, she had known deer and birds who were her equals in all psychological ways. To think that one species was more special than another was foolish. All things were equally alive and suffered an equal threat.

Eina stated she already knew everyone wanted something, and Kimagure privately thought the girl probably wanted to know why Kimagure had taken her on. Kimagure didn't owe Eina anything. Kimagure had not birthed her, she had not known her long. By all logic, Kimagure should not have felt moved to help her... but there would always be a part of Kimagure who loathed the lonely lifestyle, a part of her that had been bruised and battered all her life that desired the closeness she once felt to her mother and sister.

It would never have been her nature to be a loner, to avoid the company of others. Nurture had instilled a deep suspicion in others, but the brief moments of closeness and sense of family and community spoke to that part of her. In spite all, Kimagure still felt, on occasion, the profound loneliness of her life. The choice to take the child in had not been an easy or simple one. Kimagure had warred with herself time and time again, wanting alternatingly to feel the secure company of the child and remembering not only her lifetime of disappointment but also the particular hurt associated with Colbert.

Her innate, though often repressed, desire to share the company of another had won out. So far, Kimagure had enjoyed Eina. Her at least surface level acceptance of what Kimagure had just told her gave Kimagure a degree of hope that this time would be different. Time would only tell if it was a facade, but Kimagure had thus far found Eina poor at hiding her real emotions... and Kimagure could not detect disgust or the girl withdrawing from her despite her admission.

"That's where you're wrong, Eina. The fawn and deer are no different than you and I. I've known deer, birds, gazelles. I've been allies and enemies with foxes, wolves, hyenas... Every creature, as best as I can tell, has the same thoughts and feelings you and I do. The doe that lost her fawn will miss him as much as Ambrosine will miss Xerxes. The only difference is it's easier to sympathize with someone who looks like you." she explained, her ears falling back as she again took on a slightly wistful expression. Perhaps, if one looked close enough they could see a little pain in her face, though she tried to hide it.

"You don't have to like it. Anyone who enjoys knowing that life is kill or be killed is someone you should be afraid of." she continued, closing her eyes as a sigh wracked her body. "But you should harden yourself to the idea that you will see and experience things that threaten to break you. You have to keep moving, keep going, even when you're broken... and more importantly, you must also maintain the appearance that all is well." she finished, easing herself downward into a sitting position. Kimagure had yet to hear the sounds of approach or scent another creature. She finally opened her eyes but did not immediately look at Eina. She instead cast her eyes over the mountain around them, living in memory and hearing a voice long lost to her as her eyes fell on the flora around them. "Echinacea will treat an infection, and grows in many regions." She studied the plant for a moment, remembering her mother's words on the flowering plant. Kimagure's mother had prepared her for much, but not all of what she'd see and do in her life. Finally, she returned her eyes to Eina, a little tired as she waited to see what the girl would say.

+5 Study the Landscape 2/2.

She watches. | "She speaks." | 'She broods.'

Art by Luyene

Eina

Kimagure had never lashed out. Had never berated her. Eina had disagreed with her, and the ghostly lioness responded so calmly and didn't seem upset at all that Eina didn't agree with her. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret that she had a habit of judging the lioness' appearance. She was terrifying, from the way she stood to the menacing scar on her face. She had just revealed that she had no qualms to killing, and that she would if she felt it necessary and given the chance. But Kimagure wasn't violent in nature, from what Eina could tell by this interaction. The lioness was easier to debate with than she ever expected. The cub listened, feeling less eaten by anxiety as the conversation went on, and eventually, her scratching the ground would slow to a halt as her mind became preoccupied with thinking about the woman's words.

The cub felt skeptical at Kimagure's claims that even prey animals were intelligent. No, Eina had only known lions to speak, think, and feel. Yet Kimagure was sitting there, putting said others on their level. Kimagure didn't come off as one to joke or lie to her. The doe that lost her fawn will miss him as much as Ambrosine will miss Xerxes.

The doe will miss her fawn as much as Eina missed her father, was basically what could be said as well.

It couldn't be true. Surely she wasn't putting that hurt on others? She tried to picture the doe, screaming and crying, mourning for her lost fawn, but it felt like such an unrealistic image. Her guardian's words reached the cub's ears, but she wouldn't immediately react. Instead, her face would cast downward as she struggled to resist the guilty tears that threatened to emerge. She tensed so that she would be as still as possible as she processed what was said. Did Eina just hurt someone, even a prey animal, as much as she herself hurts?

"You can't be serious." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut tightly to allow the tears to subside, just for a moment as she looked up at Kimagure. "I've never seen other animals act how lions do." Maybe Eina misunderstood, somehow. Maybe there was something she missed. "That doe doesn't feel what..." She took in a breath, hesitating. "It's just prey. They're there to feed us." She insisted, feeling a burn of uncertain guilt heat up her skin. She didn't want to believe she did that to anyone, and was fated to do that throughout her lifetime. She wouldn't wish for anyone to have the hurt that grief gave her.

⟺⟺⟺⟺⟺ Eina fidgets. "Eina questions?" 'Eina wonders'

Original Photo by Brynn Tweeddale on Flickr

Kimagure Stagner

A beating heart of stone...

It wasn't hard to see how hard it hit Eina. Maybe it would have hit Kimagure harder if she had not literally come out of the womb to the harsh reality that death and murder were intrinsic. First hurt, then denial. Eina seemed to try to find a falsehood in what Kimagure had told her, but there weren't any.

"But I am serious. I know it to be true," she replied, voice softer and quieter. She swallowed, lips curling back slightly as she considered her next words carefully. To even speak of it was hard. It was one of the many great hurts Kimagure had experienced. One of the defining events of her life.

"I... know it to be true because I had another son once." her own voice fell as she spoke, becoming quieter. When her eyes closed again she saw golden orange ones, a narrow face, dark fur flecked with silver. She remembered the first and the last times she saw those eyes. She remembered exactly how she had felt when he died. The lioness recalled all too well how alone she had felt in that moment, how alone she had felt so long ago when the last breath left Koheina's body.

Kimagure had fallen and failed time and again, she had lost everything, started over. She had been assaulted, beaten, bloodied, and broken. Despite it all she had kept pushing on even when letting go and drifted away into the soft embrace of endless sleep had been a terrible and sweet temptation.

"He was just a little fox, but I loved him more than I thought I could love anything. When I met him, he was hungry and alone, just like you," she murmured to the girl, heart aching.

@Eina

She watches. | "She speaks." | 'She broods.'

Art by Luyene

Eina

Kimagure reaffirmed her seriousness, and Eina felt her heart tighten. The ivory lioness wasn't one to joke, anyone could see that. She listened as it was revealed Kimagure had another son, a fox. She expressed such love for him, and Eina felt guilty tears stinging her eyes. Her face fell downward once more, unwilling to let her guardian see. "The doe... She's going to grieve for her fawn? We put that kind of hurt on her?" She whimpered desperately, dreading the inevitable answer of 'yes.'

She made the doe hurt like she hurts. She made the doe feel how she feels. How could she put that kind of hurt on someone else? Her limbs felt like ice when she hit a realization. "We have to put that hurt on someone all the time just to survive...? So we don't starve?" Now she understood what Kimagure meant earlier. Not only will Eina spend her entire life killing something else to survive, but she'll be emotionally shattering the lives of countless intelligent creatures to survive. She took a moment to think, to try to find some sort of alternative. There wasn't one. That was how her life would have to be. How any lion's life had to be.

After taking a moment to gain her composure, she looked up once more at the large lioness with wet eyes. Anyone who enjoys knowing that life is kill or be killed is someone you should be afraid of. She had been told just moments ago. Kimagure... didn't quite seem like that sort of description. Harden yourself she had said. "How do I... harden myself? How do you seem so okay with this whole thing?"

⟺⟺⟺⟺⟺ Eina fidgets. "Eina questions?" 'Eina wonders'

Original Photo by Brynn Tweeddale on Flickr