and where was her family? her purpose?

a frown deepened on her features, her tears long stopped and only the shimmer of dried tracks on her cheeks reminding that they had been there at all. "did he take my family, then?" was he the one to blame for all of this?

on the opposite hand - had he given her this one?

this thought disturbed her even more, and she found it almost impossible to come to terms with all that she had learned. would vellen punish those that did not believe in him? did he have that much power? what about hiccup, or gawain, or nazonal - were her friends going to be punished because they did not believe?

but then @Voluspa spoke again and she is pulled from this train of thought. we're not monsters. is that was asteria believed? why was it not so easy to disregard that statement?

"i don't think you're a monster." but vellen? was he the monster? asteria, despite her youth, knew better than to voice the answer that screamed in her mind. for all that had happened she did not want to fight with voluspa, nor upset the girl anymore than she already had.

brave now long rest is sweet

with me here in the deep

code by corvus

it felt like it had been eternity since she had moved, paws sinking deeper and deeper in the sand the longer that she stood still. but it was finally that voluspa found a sort of renewed strength, her movements slow and hesitant, as she looked to swallow a few feet of distance between her and @Asteria. her words, however, brought the sigrun back into a frozen position, eyes falling momentarily, before twisting towards the rocking sea alongside them. "i don't know." she said at first, lips twisting down, somber and sad, before continuing. "what happened to them?" she could not help herself from asking the question, for it was something that had always loomed absently in the back of her mind. voluspa was not old enough, not wise enough, to speak on behalf of their god's will and the breadth of his power. all that she did know was that he did not do anything without great care, purpose, or intent. even if those things felt like the end of the world itself.

'i don't think you're a monster'; voluspa heard those words come next, but she was not sure how seriously asteria meant them. she knew that it mattered little in the grand scheme of vellen's plan, but there was something about the scrutinizing, stubborn way in which the babe refuted their religion that stung voluspa's chest, and seemed to squeeze the air out from her lungs. she appreciated the sentiment still, she supposed, albeit the fact that she could not bring herself to press the subject any further.

table code by ferus

Asteria could not fathom following a deity that caused pain and grief and death. It was impossible for her young mind to comprehend that there would be any reason to follow him, to sacrifice so much, for… what? A glimpse of hope? What of those that followed him and still found grief and pain — what of Saga who had to sacrifice her child even after years of loyalty and belief?

She had lived through her childhood without following Vellen and she had had some moments of joy: was she supposed to believe that he was responsible for those moments even if she didn’t believe in him?

It was all too much and she gave a frustrated sigh. @Voluspa’s question pulled her again from her thoughts, though it resulted in a stab of grief.

Asteria shrugged; a simple gesture that did not convey the extent of her emotion. “I don’t know. One day I was with them and then I was here. Alone.

There are a thousand questions she wants to ask but she senses that Voluspa is not the one to answer them. It would hardly seem fair to berate the girl or bury her in questions because of her beliefs. She could not fault her for her upbringing…

brave now long rest is sweet

with me here in the deep

code by corvus

each movement was tentative, her anger still blaring, though had been tempered up into slow, methodical waves by this point in time. such emotions were not directed purposefully at @Asteria, of course, but at the extent and calamity of the situation that she now found herself in. it was all rather unfair -- though fairness seemed few and far between, especially as of late. all-the-while, voluspa's eyes remained settled purposefully upon the younger girl's features, watching the quick and simple way in which she responded to her prior question. hmph. "well, you may not like it, but you're not alone anymore." it was as much as the sigrun could offer, unfortunately, at least at this point in time. she did not find it appropriate, nor her place, to push the conversation further -- but at least, if nothing else, asteria had a home within the lagoon. whether or not that was permanent or temporary, however, was another question entirely.

finally, finally, a sigh passed through voluspa's liips, frustration seeping away as she scrunched her brows and gave an absent shake of her head. "i'm sorry you had to see that. i wish it were different." for asteria's sake, if nothing else. voluspa could rationalize what they had done, could understand the willingness of saga to forfeit her own child for the sake of their god -- but in the same sense, she understood why asteria could not, or would not, see it the same way. and so it was with somber look that she would look to hang her head, fighting for control of her emotions, whilst knowing full-well that there was no winning to be found within the thralls of this conversation.

table code by ferus

for this moment, at least, they lived in the eye of the storm. any anger she had felt towards @Voluspa had evaporated, though asteria refused to examine too closely how she felt now. mostly there was a profound emptiness and on some level she wondered if this was what it too to finally lose the emotions she used to curse so regularly. asteria had felt out of control her entire life, ever since she had been left here by her mama, and now... it was as if too many emotions had caused her to short circuit.

"i wish it were different, too." she wished she had been born here, had learned of vellen and his cruelty before she had to witness it first hand. she wished she had known what was to come when she met magnus and saga, so that she might have run the other way.

but then, was that what she really wanted? for all that had happened she loved saga, and nero, and her siblings... a small sigh spilled from her lips as she looked to the dark girl beside her; "i don't know what's going to happen, now, but i hope... i hope we can still be friends."

brave now long rest is sweet

with me here in the deep

code by corvus

whiskers twitched uncomfortably as she stood there, hung somewhere between uncertainty and regret and anger, teetering mercilessly upon the edge of each in a way that only served to confuse her further. "i hope so too." she offered quietly in return, though she knew that neither of them could make promises about the road that laid ahead, or what would become of their relationship moving forward. voluspa would likely never understand the breadth and depth of asteria's confliction, after all, nor the confusion that arose from being on the outside looking in -- but for everyone's sake, in the light of all that had already been loss, she wished only for a moment of lulling peace to combat the storm.

feeling as though she had long over-extended her stay, however, it was only after a moment longer that voluspa would look to turn slowly where she stood. her head remained low, eyes cast momentarily back out towards the raging of the sea before they paused solemnly upon the cub's form. there was a continuous tug that loomed within her chest, tethering her there, drawing her towards asteria -- but it was stubbornly that the sigrun would aim to take her leave, instead, leaving both of them to their own thoughts beneath the cover of the night. exit.

table code by ferus

the conversation lapsed and she knew there was nothing more to be said. only time would tell how things would pan out between the two dark children, and time could not be rushed. asteria had much to sort out in her own mind, and more trials to experience, and she knew that there was nothing left for her to ask of the other.

she would either accept their differences and look past them, or she would leave the lagoon and never return. or, perhaps, she would one day know vellen, and things would be far less complicated.

with a quiet sigh she offered a tiny tip of her head to @Voluspa, but she did not try to stop her as she left. they both had plenty to occupy their thoughts, and asteria welcomed the chance to do so alone.

-exit via staying put- XD

brave now long rest is sweet

with me here in the deep

code by corvus