In just a day or so of wandering these new lands Alasiri had found something familiar.

It was like a skewed image of his childhood home; Tall grass in shades of gold and what lay between yellow and green, open spaces that stretched out under the sky, the coming and going of herds as they grazed. But all slightly shifted, like a rippling mirror image. This was not his home, he did not know these paths or skies. Alas was alone in foreign land.

Parting gilded stalks he wandered on aimlessly, studying the landscape with a blank expression that acted as a shield for curious inner thoughts. He had never been beyond the border of his old territory, not beyond little excursions that were short lived before he was back in the safety of his pride. Everything was new, and stressful. Not that you would be able to tell from the placid expression and casual gait of the golden hunter.

Even in the face of change and uncertainty his way of being hadn't altered. Alasiri's eyes remained half lidded with an almost sleepy expression that did not belay his mind from unraveling the world around him, he was not a brave explorer or an adventurer with a quest. He was a wanderer, a man-o-war adrift without a battle in sight. At least not any physical ones.

Setting down on a patch of grass below a tree, he began the process of removing the plaster of herbs from the wound on his hip. The claw marks would need some time to breathe before he applied another, which could prove difficult if he didn't find any familiar healing herbs around.

There was no use worrying about that now though. So Alasiri leaned back against the bark of the tree and closed his eyes. Not asleep, just...resting them a bit.

@Creed

He really went far, hadn't he? Not content on simply leaving the immediate area, but fleeing all the way across a land bridge to a whole new area that Creed had never seen before, and he strongly doubted Al had either. He remembered when he'd stood at the gates of the land, looking up at what was beyond and feeling once again the strong pang of doubt- one of many he'd felt on this entire journey trying to follow the sun-laden trail. He wouldn't call it fear, no he'd never call it fear. But maybe it was...

He'd left his land a King, with a pride. Everything a lion could want, heirs and lionesses at his fingertips, a life made for his sweet disposal. And yet the one thing he'd yearned for the most,

Denied him.

And he'd reacted... Strongly. The unfamiliar feeling of betrayal cut through him like a hot knife, the build up of embarrassment and hurt had been too much for someone who'd never sat and dealt with such emotions before. Nor had he ever been told no so plainly, by someone he fucking loved. He lashed out with his claws. He'd hurt hurt hurt until it didn't hurt him anymore. Chase away the feeling, return and start all over again. And this time, don't be such a fool.

...But that's not how it went. No. It was the guilt that found him afterwards that drove him away. Into unknowns and uncertainties he'd never thought he'd have to face before. The one thing that drove him past the fear set on by numerous obstacles in his path, climbing over each one with a stubborn-headedness that no doubt defined him at this point.

He never felt guilt. He never needed to. So the fact that it willed him so strongly... Pulled him like a string. Him, none the wiser on it's end. Like every other strong feeling he'd never thought he'd feel with Alasari. It willed him onward and begged him. He missed his treasure.

God dammit. He had to find him.

So he followed after the scent of blood, and the sweet scent of his sunlight... Here. And after so long, so much wondering and wandering alike, he could see him there. Laying under a tree, in a world that was so familiar and yet so foreign to the both of them. He would have thought it was another one of his daydreams, a cruel illusion taunting him onward.

Had it not been by the wounds on Alasiri's flank, glistening in the sun. That was the reality of it all.

Creed stood motionless where he was, nervousness fluttering within him as he watched him resting his eyes under that tree. It brought about a pining within him, a yearning to simply walk up to him and slide right beside him like he'd always done, all those times before.

"A...Al..." The tufted man finally spoke up, not knowing if it was even enough for @Alasiri to hear him or not. But fuck, he had to say something, the silence was grating on him like a serrated edge.

Mentions of suicide


Steps were approaching him.

The kind that belonged to someone larger than he, with paws that sunk deeper into the earth to create a duller sound. Grass bowed with greater haste, being forced flat against the earth with only a dying gasp rather than a prolonged rattle had it been struck by a lighter blow.

The kind of steps that belonged to someone who took each stride forwards as though he owned the land he moved across. There was an uncharacteristic drag to them, as though there was hesitance. But they moved forward regardless. Drawing ever nearer.

Alasiri did not need to open his eyes to know who had approached him, even if it was nonsensical, impossible.

Creed had driven him out, declared his banishment rather clearly in both word and action. Was this a trick of his senses? A ghost built from remorse that hung over his head like a dark veil. He shouldn't have spoken so plainly, should have placated and soothed his king's feelings even if they were not his own. Alasiri had a duty to his pride, to his leadership, and he had failed.

'A...Al'

The deep thrum of Creed's voice vibrated down to the golden hunter's bones, making it feel as though it would shake the flesh from his bones. Like it would wear him down to nothing if it kept going. Maybe eventually his bones would hum themselves to nothing as well, turning to dust with a well placed shout.

Eventually, he opened his eyes and turned them upon the dark maned phantom. The ringed shades of brown catching the sunlight through leaves and turning from their somber brown to a lighter sandy shade.

"Hello, my king." Alas's voice was gentle, untethered to any sort of blame or disdain. "Have you come all this way to kill me? You should rest first, you look pale."

Standing now, Alasiri closed the distance between them with cautious steps. He came to a stop when he was close enough to pick a stray bit of grass from Creed's mane. "If that is what you wish, I could kill myself for you. You shouldn't dirty your claws more than you already have."

@Creed

He was shaken, by the lack of fear in the other male's eyes, no accusation or blame aimed at him for his actions against him. By his soft voice, the way he came sweeping over to him with no hesitation- going so far as picking a piece of debris from his mane, as if he hadn't been the one to leave that gnarly wound on his hips. As if he hadn't completely run him from the only home he knew. Creed was frozen with a heat boiling inside him, his mind was spinning in it's chambers, so was his heart.

For a moment, at the casualness of @Alasiri's words towards him, he felt a bubbling anger in his chest that threatened to boil over again. He wanted to grab the smaller male, to shake him violently- he didn't fucking understand. But he held himself back, tension visible in his legs as he stood. He let his eyes finally come to rest on Alasiri's own. Slowly, after moments of pungent silence between them that held a swirling of unspoken emotions on Creed's part, his shoulders loosened.

"You don't love me." He repeated. Dully, a voice usually cocky now weighed down by confusion, disbelief. "But you'd kill yourself for me? I... What?"

It didn't make sense. How could you treat someone with such love and forgiveness yet refuse their feelings? Why why why!? Make it make sense! Was this a fucking game to him he was playing, twisting his heart like a little bundle of wet moss between his pads?

All of the sudden, he was alive again. His lip curled with the inability to simply hold it in anymore. He exploded, enough to send birds flying away from the peaceful vicinity.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU! I hurt you, dammit! I poured by fucking heart out and you-! You..." He snarled, before those initial words sunk into himself. Like a rock, it only served to drag him down again, that reminder that brought his eyes to connect again with the still inflamed scratches down Al's flank. The remorse in his voice was suddenly thick, roughing his throat even, as he tried to speak.

"I.. Hurt you."

And so came the roar, heralded by thunder to let him know a storm would be coming. He could not blame @Creed for it, his error had cause the flame eyed king agony. So he could only accept what came his way.

It left Alasiri's ears ringing, made his heart stutter into a quick pace but he stood and accepted the fire and ice from Creed. It burned his flesh and bit at the wounds with frost all at once, threatened to pull the skin from his vibrating bones. He would let Creed consume him with thunder, fire and frostbite. Would let him tear into his throat if that was what he needed to do to make things right.

The world was bright in the worst kind of way, like everything had snapped into focus so sharply that it cut. All around the earthen flame that bordered the other lion's face, bringing that anguish and conflict into focus before finally dimming.

Like rain putting out a blaze. Like a cloud cutting the heat of the sun.

"I forgive you," He replied. A simple string of three words, but he meant it. Alasiri had forgiven Creed as soon as his claws dug into his flesh, he just hadn't been given the chance to vocalize it until now. "You were upset, I overstepped my station...you had all rights to punish me as you saw fit."

Perhaps in a different life he might have realized the absurdity of his words, how wrong they were. But Alasiri only had himself as he was. Stunted emotionally and physically, trying his best to make sense and make peace with the lion who he saw himself as having wronged. It would not have been hard to say he returned Creed's love, to appease him with a gentle lie on his lips. But he had chosen wrong and now faced the consequences.

"I didn't mean to hurt you either, though I know that doesn't mean much." He sat before Creed, something bittersweet showing through his usually neutral visage. "If not for my life, then...why are you here?"

That wasn't good. No that was so much fucking worse to hear. Was it not enough that he'd been told his love was unreciprocated, now it was all in his head? A sick little fantasy he'd made, god he was such a fool wasn't he? His claws duh into the ground beneath him with wobbling fury, his lips rising again to reveal his teeth. He didn't look at Al, his eyes aimed like daggers at the golden males paws. He didn't even want to look him in the eyes. Not as the twisted knife in his heart produced an uncomfortable heat in his eyes. Moisture gathering.

Before they could erupt, embarrass him even more than he already was, he lashed out. Not at @Alasiri, but at the ground beneath his own feet. Large claws scoring a deep line in the earth between them.

Only after he'd formed that speration between them did he look up to meet his eyes again, pupils contracted, accusing at their very core. Wronged. Had he really been led like a child to the pied piper? Thinking that all this time their relationship formed was just him following orders? Is that all it meant to him?

"WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT LIKE THAT?" He roared, agonizing brows furrowing deeply on his features. But he couldn't hold the anger, not without it mixing with his anguish. It was clear in his eyes, in his shaky paws. He didn't fucking care anymore, his emotions had toiled to a breaking point and there was no going back.

His anger crumbled into a pitiful desperation, brows tilting upward and face... Pleading. Maybe he didn't understand. Maybe that was the whole problem. Maybe if he understood, the answer would be different. Surely he didn't mean that, that horrid insinuation that all their time up until this point was a debt he'd felt he'd owed. Not natural. Fake.

"I thought we were friends Alasiri. I thought we were close- that it was more than just you obeying orders... I..." His throat began to tighten, though he fought it with more yelling. "Speak to me like I'm not a King, because I'm not anymore!"

He let an awkward silence linger, just to highlight how big this was for him. How utterly jarring it was that he'd given up so much to come here. A nervous laugh came out of him then at the thought, one in disbelief of his own self. He sat back on his haunches with exhaustion, bringing a paw up to rub his face.

"I followed you because I cared. And you say this. I left everything behind. and you say this."

He'd only upset him more now with his careless words, certainly there was a sense of duty but everything he did had been for the pride. @Creed was the pride too. He had given him his time, his affection, his body, his friendship...he had given him his everything so freely because in Alasiri's tiny world that he had lived in for so long Creed was one of the few who did more than tolerate his existence.

Did that not command respect, loyalty? To be given more than what he dared impose upon others?

When the larger lion struck the earth Alasiri didn't shrink back or flinch, he accepted this newest boundary between them as he had learned to accept most things in life. Quietly, without complaint. Mustn't cause trouble, Little Alas, or that'll be the end of you. Keep your head down and your wits about you for you live on borrowed time.

He only dared speak when there was another lull in Creed's lamentation, voice quiet but there, always there.

"We are friends, Creed. I do feel close to you, closer than most of the pride had been. I just never wanted to disappoint you." A heavy feeling swelled in own own heart, pressing it down against his ribs as if it meant to smother its beating. It felt like the pressure in the air before rain. "I owe you so much, but I had never even thought of love before you told me how you felt. It's not something I had ever considered, something I knew I could never expect out of life."

And Creed had left everything. His title, his lionesses who surely would have been bearing him litters soon, his territory. His security. He had left it behind to follow Alasiri into the unknown where he could have been dead or disappeared, it so easily could have been for nothing.

He did tremble now, a full-body shudder that went from his shoulders to his hips and rattled the tip of his tail.

"And I say this as your friend, as someone who cares about you."

A shaky exhale, a moment to compose himself. Then he struck out, a slap aimed at Creed's free cheek.

"You idiot! Why would you do that!? You had everything. Everything. Stability is so precious and you would throw it away for someone like me?" Alasari was not one to raise his voice, frankly not one to emote much either way. He was a golden statue to be admired and serve a purpose. The way his voice broke as it shifted higher, words trembling with his jaw, he could ignore that for the sake of getting his message across.

"I'm not worth your love, Creed. Please...you still have time to go back and make things right."

Whatever fire he'd started, officially burnt down to smolders. It had risen and fallen, exerting so much energy packed on top of an already-tired body. He was quiet to listen to @Alasiri, letting his calm voice fill the poignant air that his insolent yells had left behind. His voice was soft as honey, even as it trembled slightly.

But it did bring him relief. A slather of aloe to the deep burns he'd- ultimately- created himself. He still felt foolish. He still felt shame with everything in him. Why shouldn't he? He had so much to regret now, and as Alasiri tried to ride his rollar coaster of emotions Creed had no idea where to place that shame, or that blame. It was all... Overwhelming.

His paws finally left his face, thinking on what the sun-licked male was saying. It was inevitable that within those words, he'd find the smallest trickle of hope. That perhaps this all wasn't for naught, after all. Was he a fool? Or did Alasiri just need more convincing? He'd never thought about love, was afraid of disappointing him- but what if he told him he didn't care about that?.. Did he?

He opened his maw, ready to reply in the pause that was lingering (having not been truly listening to what his friend said about having something to say)- but was promptly caught off guard by a slap to the face. He boomed a snarl, raising his paw and his lips in what appeared to be swift retaliation.

Before he caught himself. That fire rose up in him again with temptation, but there just wasn't much behind it anymore. It died as quickly as it started, whatever tension he'd built up from being slapped simply... Sunk. But his brows did lower. A serious look fell over his face, perhaps the kind of look that Alasiri would know better than anyone else.

Absolute stubbornness. Pig-headedness. Whatever you wanted to call it.

"No." Short sweet and to the point. His face made it clear his mind wasn't going to be changed. "There's no going back." He can debate him how ever much he liked, but once Creed had made a decision... He'd made it. Not only that, he doubted his "brothers" would welcome him back with as open arms as before.

With that out of the way... It softened again. His brows lifted. Desperate again, for the golden man to hear him out. Screw the pride, he really didn't care that much about them anyway when it really came down to it- and that was made painfully obvious by the simple fact that he'd left it behind for something as ridiculous as love.

"What makes you think you aren't deserving of my love? How are you so certain that can't be a part of your future?"

Though he was trembling, it wasn't in the face of a thunderous snarl or a raised set of daggers. Alasiri was shaken by @Creed's decision, his abandonment of that safety net that so many spent their lives seeking. For him. For him?

What even was love? A mother's claws reddened by her own child's blood, turning him from a threat to a possible asset? Pitying and scornful eyes from lionesses who stood by his mother as she pleaded her cub's case to a male who held no stock in his existence? He had accepted those things, let them guide his life until now. But wasn't friendship better, safer?

It hurt less than love did, the kind of love he knew was the real sort. Not the kind found in stories or fanciful flirtation. Love found in the real world was bright and painful, something he could never give to Creed for either of their sakes. What the once king wanted was the fairytale kind of love, that he was even more ill equipped to give. He couldn't even fathom how to begin for something like that. Those distant shimmering stars that cast a lure down into hearts, they were too far for him to reach.

"Love is..." A curse, a sun he could spend lifetimes chasing but only end up with burns to show for it. Alas exhaled shakily, "I can't give you something I don't know how to give. It would be cruel, unfair of me."

His voice remained back to its softer tones, much like Creed he was made weary by their exchange. Indeed, the golden hunter knew that signature look of a decision being made in stone on Creed's face. Anything else he had to say on the matter of him returning to his post would barely be heard, canceled out by an indignant static. He would have found it amusing had it not been so heartbreaking.

"I-I'm also sorry for slapping you." He added, finally turning his eyes away from Creed with his lips pulled inwardly in a bashful inverse grimace. That had probably been too far.

There was a somberness about them then, a quiet lull that fell between them. It was tired, soft, sobering. Their voices had fell and so had many of the extreme emotions Creed had felt upon coming here. And yet there was still so much to say, so much to unpack here that it was daunting. But he was happy, at least, that Alasiri was speaking to him frankly now. Truthfully. He hadn't completely shattered that for them. He'd been afraid of that, even if the truth did stab him like a hefty thorn. It was better than a lie.

But it was still hard to cope with, however... @Alasiri didn't know how to love, and that was why he'd denied him? His brows furrowed softly, clinging to that pleading look. "I don't know how either but I..."

He trailed off. There was that fear again, that vulnerability. It was a risk he was taking again, this time out of desperation. Putting himself out there again, but Alasiri was the only one he could feel comfortable doing that with. That hadn't changed.

"Fuck, Al. I know how I feel with you, to me that's love. Everything else... Fuck it. Can't we just figure it out?"

But it wouldn't be as simple as that, and that fact brought him into a slumped position. He had been the one to cause all of this. He'd been the one to react so harshly, to drive him away and then come running after him leaving all they knew behind him. He didn't want to see it, to admit it, but he had made this life decision for them. He'd made their bed and made it without Alasiri's consent, and that's why he was guilty. Though in the rush of it all, he had yet to pinpoint that exactly.

Point being... This was their lives now it seemed. There wasn't a choice anymore. This was square one.

"Al I'm... I'm sorry I drove you away." There, he said it. He finally said it. Creed could care less he'd been slapped. It didn't near equal the searing marks on his lover's flank. Nor the position he'd threw them both into.